Monday, August 17, 2009

I'm Alive....I think....

Okay, so it's day 3 - at least I think it is, What day is it? Anyway, all I know is that I never EVER want to go through that again. EVER. I am still not really on solid foods. Hell, I'm barely on apple juice at this point. Frankly, I may never eat solid foods again.

I'm just that scared.

I would, however, like to bitch out GSO once again -- publically, because I can't say it directly to their face because they'll never fix my shit if they ever found out about this blog. I mean, what are the chances that they are going to find this?!? I mean...so a few Embassy people read it, and kinda email it around, nobody really knows GSO's name per se. I pretty sure everyone else also calls them GSO guy and GSO guy's friends.

Anyway, back to my bitch! So I'm curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor of my house and Anna comes over to remind me that GSO has decided to remove the $*)@(%&% Asbestos from my house....That day!......the day I am sick.....DYING.....at home on the bathroom floor, chilling with my best friends Toilet Brush and Rug (they totally hate GSO too, they told me.)

So rather than them coming at any point during the month I was gone in the States or when I was able to walk upright without assistance around Khartoum, they decide to fix my asbestos yesterday. So I "pack" myself an overnight bag - apparently, as I found out this morning, I was only able to reach the lower dresser drawers of my stuff. Ergo I had summer cargo pants , a tank top that I pretty much use exclusively as a nightgown, and some pumps. No makeup, no comb, no toothbrush (I know, *barf*) oh yes, and my laptop and all its accessories (don't ask. I'm crazy).

I'm not sure how I made it, but I drove myself to the hotel, managed to check in (although I think the Sudanese government may arrest me for suspicion of having swine flu because I did not handle standing at the counter well!) Plus, in hindsight, I now see that the desk clerk's copious questions were probably because I looked like a homeless person trying to check in under the US Embassy account. As a rule of thumb, most embassy employees will comb their hair and stand up straight when checking into a hotel.

SO anyway, today I woke up, I was not actively dying and managed to take a few drinks of apple juice. I know you're all going to tell me to drink more water, but water and nausea have never been a good mix for me. I barely like water when normal. There is no way in hell I am going to try to play Russian Roulette with bottled Nile water.

Bottom line is that I have now realized an important fact about living in Sudan. The USG does not give us danger pay because of the terrorist threat here; we get it because of the seafood threat.

It's real, and it's at Code RED!

14 comments:

Hit 40 said...

Is the hotel as nice as the Ritz in Washington? I would love a comparison of both hotels - fluffiness of towels, thread count, etc.

Do they have a lovely shrimp cocktail that you can order???

Hit 40 said...

OMG!!! I am laughing so hard at my own pathetic joke.

Reddirt Woman said...

Just because you looked like the walking dead shouldn't mean that you are not a government employee...

Glad to hear you bitchin'. It definitely means more great gripes to come... do you think you can get in on the asbestos money that all the lawyers are telling people to call if they've been exposed and join the class action suit if you are a guvmnt employee and in another country?

Something to think about and talk over with toilet brush and rug...

Helen

blognut said...

So... how much weight have you lost?

And have you sent me my Sudan seafood package and a bottle of water from the Nile?

I'm ready for my diet. :)

otin said...

You should do a standup routine! You have the knack for it!

Michele said...

I hope you feel better real soon. There is nothing worse than to be sick but to be sick in a third world country has to be one for the record books.

Optimistic Pessimist said...

ok ok...but how much weight have you lost? Perhaps I can get in on this cause I'm really sick of my pants being too tight.

Pastor Sharon said...

Optimistic is onto something here. Guess you don't need that "fat" pill anymore. I am so sorry you have been so sick.

And who in the name of everything Sudaneeze thought you needed to quit worshiping the Porcelain God so they could finally get the poison out of your house?

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm satisfied. I know you're not in de-NILE (aaaaaaahahahahaha) about your condition anymore. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha.

Is my laughter making you feel better? Cuz laughter is the best medicine, even when you're in Africa, my Sickly Sudanese Sister.

Captain Dumbass said...

That was a long rant so I'm thinking you're on the road to recovery.

Beth said...

I'm so sorry! I hate hurling. Hate it!

Was the hotel nice? They owe you that much.

♥ Braja said...

Please, enough with the crappy details, I wanna know the real stuff: DID YOU LOSE WEIGHT????

If so, it's all worth it. Surely.

("Yes it is and stop calling me Shirley....")

Gaston Studio said...

Thank God Toilet Brush and Rug were with you during those trying days of hurling; such a comforting thought that you were among friends!

Glad you're on the mend.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

But.....can you rent Mamma Mia on the tv at the hotel? Priorities, you know.

Glad to hear you're feeling better.