So today I was hanging around downtown DC pretty much on and off all day while I waited for random people to be ready to "see" me. Apparently, word has gotten out that one might need to prepare themselves to deal with me on a one-on-one basis. (For the record, I would like to note that you're probably not ever going to be adequately prepared for any meeting in which I am a participant. I suspect it is best to just get it over with as quickly as possible....kinda like ripping off a band aid...)
Anyway, so as I was hanging around by myself doing my favorite hobby -- people watching -- or, as I like to call it, playing Judgey McJudy -- it came to me; I'm a Bitch.
Now I know that many of you may have suspected as much (and I fear my parents will likely be disappointed to have their suspicions confirmed publicly) but I now know it's true. How do I know this you ask? Well, besides, the obvious bitch-like tendencies I exhibit on a daily basis, I observed the following scenario:
I'm sitting outside of Caribou Coffee, minding my own business - with nowhere to go and pretty much nothing to do until my 3:00 meeting -- and I spotted a very rare species in downtown DC (and not on a crazy homeless person, mind you) I spotted a woman (with a high end name-brand purse, which made it all the more rare and confusing) wearing what appeared to be a peach skirt and a mint green blouse, paired with a banana clip and tennis shoes with scrunchy socks a la Summer, 1984!!!
So I judged. And then I immediately began to search for my cell phone. MY GOD! I had to call someone!! The 80s were not only alive and well, they were coming back to haunt me!!!
Then I remembered two things: (1) Who the hell am I gonna call? (Minoy actually works and Liz moved to Naples - probably to get away from my constant phone calls and text messages.... ); and (2) I don't have a cell phone here in the states anymore.
So then as I sat all by myself, I contemplated my bitchiness. Why the hell can't I just let that pass?? What is WRONG with me?!
SO, I decided to do something about it. I was going to (once again) attempt to be a better person. I was going to be nicer to people. I was going to be kind to strangers and not be so judgey!
And then two tourists approached me and ruined it all.
Seriously, God is clearly Eff'in with me!! Right after I made my promise to try to be a better person, two ladies sat down at the table with me. THEY SERIOUSLY JUST SAT RIGHT DOWN...and there were OPEN TABLES. (I have issues with my personal space) One lady asked me if I lived in DC, and without waiting for my answer proceeded to tell me that they were here from Iowa and that DC sure had changed since the last time they were here back in 1987 (amazingly enough, they were NOT wearing the 80s ensemble above) and how they didn't think there would be a Caribou Coffee here in DC, although they knew that there was PROBABLY going to be a Starbucks (there is a Starbucks in Baghdad PEOPLE! DC is not a stretch), they were surprised to see a Caribou Coffee.
Then they asked me if it had the same things on the menu.
I was wrong. I cannot be a better person. I'm a bitch and I need to just own it. I have no patience, and I have become the rude stereotypical east coast city dweller. I should just get a cell phone and simply call Minoy's voice mail to inform her of my newest 80s sighting in public.
I'll just be kind to animals instead. I think that's the best we can hope for at this point. (But not spiders!! I'm just trying to be a little better - I'm not running for JESUS!)
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
13 hours ago