Sunday, July 19, 2009

Shhh....Nobody Tell.....

So this weekend I have plans (again) to go shopping with some friends. This time, however, I'm headed to the outlet mall -- I figured I needed to get out of this hotel attached to the Galleria Mall because, every day when I walk by the Burberry Store out front of the hotel, I'm starting to think that $1,795 for a purse is not actually that much.... (I suspect Josh may feel differently, but I'm just guessing.) Therefore, I'm doing Josh a favor by going to the outlet mall. I'm saving him money!!

My GOD, I'm such a good person sometimes! It totally amazes me how good I am!!

That said, I would appreciate it if you guys (and when I say "you guys" I mean mom and other mom - both conveniently named Debbie) would not mention to Josh that I am headed to said outlet mall. I mean, even though I'm doing a selfless act and all, there is no way on Earth he will understand and support my selfless act -- What I'm trying to say is, he's going to freak out if I buy one more thing, so let's just try not to upset him needlessly before I finally see him again...OKAY?!?!

It's for the children. (And when I say "children," I mean me.)

ANYWAY, I've obviously figured out the secret to popularity: Leave the country. Seriously, when you return for some random reason - EVERYONE will want to go out to drinks or dinner with you, and (best of all) they will ALL want to hear your stories.

My GOD! Do you have any idea how great it is when people actually LISTEN to your blather?! That's some heady stuff man.

I should write a self-help book. Who knew being popular was so damn easy!? I'll make a fortune!!! (Which is a good thing since I will likely spend a fortune this afternoon)... So, who wants to reserve the first one!?

31 comments:

Hit 40 said...

Have a baby! Then, you are popular for about 3 to 6 months after the baby is born. Never admit the baby is crawling yet. No one likes a mobile baby.

Maybe, your just not shopping for the right toys?? I am sure that Josh would like you to buy a couple items while you are out.

Susan said...

Count me in for an autographed copy. And, of course people want to meet you for drinks all the time - you're hysterical and have an exotic life! And it's got to be fun to watch you eat cake.

♥ Braja said...

I know, it really works doesn't it? I think people only get this if they're expats....I'm going home to see my family next month for the first time in 9 yrs. I can't express how much of a goddamned star I'm gonna be. But you know, don't you Michel?
::))))

lakeviewer said...

Change your plan and sit down to write a synopsis of that book. Add some blog posts, and you got the starting of something big. Then, you can totally buy that purse instead of paying the rent. Sign me up as your book agent. I have not sold any thing else, but I could sell you.

Middle Aged Woman said...

You know who else listens to all you blather? A therapist! It's freaking awesome! I get to talk about myself for 50 minutes! Straight!

blognut said...

It is finally all about you, which if I know you at all, is EXACTLY what you wanted.

Oh, by the way, buy some nice, frilly lingerie to wear when Josh gets there. He won't care how much it costs, and then tell him that you had to have the $1795 purse to go with it. It won't matter that it's ridiculous to buy a purse to go with the lingerie. He'll be distracted. I'm a genius!

Poppy Buxom said...

I think I speak for all of us when I say we would totally buy your book. Go buy whatever you want, and tell Josh your invisible internet friends have promised to support both of you in your old age.

otin said...

Huh!? I wasn't listening! Oh, now I am paying attention! How did Hit 40 get here so quick? Damn her! Did you call her and tell her that you would be posting? I think it is a conspiracy against me and Darsden! Have fun shopping, no one sends me anything!!! You are only in Sudan, I am in the south!!! (Well, you are usually in Sudan)

Reddirt Woman said...

I'm on a budget, but I will get your book when it comes out in paperback. You bet!

Helen

Char said...

What's a lil handbag between couples?! Go forth and shop...I think it's the law somewhere.

Comedy Goddess said...

I live in the same house as my parents. Our preferred method of communication is email.

Unless it's about the minor things, like what I am doing/not doing with the groceries, meals, laundry etc.

Jesus, my life sucks!

Quint said...

Arrrgh! Buy me some piano wire so I can rig up another line to catch that big shark!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I want to go out to dinner with you...

Hmm. That sounded a bit stalkerish. Perhaps just a cocktail.

Eternally Distracted said...

Yay, I am going home next month for the first time in nearly two years - I will have friends!!

Ps - I haven't been in prison ;0)

Captain Dumbass said...

Will the book cost $1795?

Jason, as himself said...

"No one likes a mobile baby." Love it.

Obviously I haven't been reading blogs much lately because I've been out of town, so I didn't realize you were visiting the states! Geez, if you happen to be in my area, stop by! I want to hang out with someone as popular as you.

Beth said...

It is awesome being popular! I've learned this because the very same people who snubbed me in high school are now my BEST FRIENDS because their child(ren) go to my school. And whenever there is a job posting, everyone loves me and tells me how great my school is.

I should totally record some of these conversations!

I wish you were heading further south. We have an outlet mall about 15 minutes away from my house. We could shop and eat and drink. And I'll even listen to you blather.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

But you didn't have to move out of the country. You get the same treatment when you move out of state. I LOVE the celebrity treatment!

bernthis said...

for the children, I could not agree more. Everytime I buy a cute top I can't help but think how I've saved another kid.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I like blognut's idea - buy some frilly lingerie and Josh won't care how much the purse cost because he'll be distracted! LOL!!

And definitely sign me up for an (autographed) copy of your book...I'd buy it! And listen to your blather... Wait - who are you again? ;)

Vodka Mom said...

i would BUY that book. I'm just sayin'.

JennyMac said...

Love that you turned shopping into good samaritanship. Excellent work, I'd buy that book.

Optimistic Pessimist said...

I'm amazed at your selfless act...shopping at an outlet mall. Way to take one for the team!

Medora said...

I agree, travel makes you instantly popular with those of us who never go anywhere. You are "cosmopolitan" and cool, so work it!

Kathy B! said...

And we all hope that the coolness rubs off by association... in reference to what medora said, that is!

Millennium Housewife said...

Can you include a chapter on saving money while spending it? Husband will have it placed before his eyes as proof I'm not the only one in denial...

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Your husband should bow down to your awesomeness for saving him all that money by shopping at an outlet mall. You so can totally buy a bunch of extra stuff now because of all the money you saved by not going to that Burberry Store.

sheila said...

So? Did you get the purse?

Snow White said...

You HAVE to buy stuff here because I'm sure there aren't fun things like Burberry over yonder. I bet when you come back to the states all those listeners offer to buy you dinners too!!
and I'll take a copy!

Fragrant Liar said...

Well shit. I'm leaving town next month. Going to Grapevine, Texas. Does that count? Will that get me some notoriety and appreciation? Hmmm? HMMM?

And btw, I HAVE children. They are ingrates. Please don't sacrifice yourself at some mall on their accounts. They will totally not appreciate it. And therefore I won't either.

Joanna Jenkins said...

What is it with purse prices anyway? Is Burberry really that much better than Coach or that much worse than Prada? Prices are insane.
But a trip to the outlet mall is a BLAST! Enjoy.

I stopped by from Braja's. Nice to meet you. I'll be back again soon.