OMFG!!! I think I am a victim of torture!!! I shit you not...today was SOOO damn painful. Not only was it LONG -- I was forced to sit there and pretend to listen for literally eights of hours -- it was also EXTREMELY boring.
Now granted, some of the blame might belong to me -- I SAID MIGHT -- so anyway, YES...I might have ended up watching stupid Mama Mia on HBO for what might have been the 4th time since I arrived here in the States and re-found the TV (what can I say?? That shit is both entertaining and addicting! Although my neighbors in the hotel might not agree with my premise). And said TV watching MIGHT have kept me up until almost midnight on what might have been a school night. This whole perfect shit storm is compounded when you take into consideration that the briefings started at like 0700!! (And let me just interject here....0700!?!?! We're the USG! WTF!?)
Anyway, so my point is (and I think I might have one) I started my day out very sleepy. It just got worse from there!
I arrived early enough to get a cup of coffee. I elbowed my way to the front and grabbed the last of the paper cups and took what sounded like it might have also been the last cup of coffee -- ha HA SUCKAHS! You snooze, you lose!
Now since this is ME we're talking about here (and I mean really, have we EVER talked about anything or anyone else? Why are you guys surprised by this at this stage?) Anyway, I started to suspect foul play about 15 minutes into the first speaker when my eyes started to roll back into my head. Do you remember when you were in school and you were trying to pay attention, but you have to focus all your energy on keeping your eyes open?! Well, take that feeling and times it by five! That was me today!!!
So I'm sitting there, willing my eyes to remain open and they totally went out of focus! So then I started to worry that maybe my eyes had crossed - because it was all blurry and I was seeing like two of everything. But I couldn't seem to focus them again! I couldn't keep them open AND focused! However, I was too scared to close them for fear that I would fall into a deep sleep and fall off my chair and hit my head on the table, knocking out a front tooth, effectively rendering me hideous and witch-like for my re-introduction to my husband on Friday -- I simply couldn't risk it I tell you!!! I was forced to suffer in silence - although there might have been some sighing going on....
SO THEN I was all worried that the speaker was actually looking at me and my eyes were all glassy and crossed-- because it LOOKED like the stupid person was looking at me!! But I couldn't be sure because I was so damn tired and they were sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher.... So I then started to fidget in my chair -- which immediately made me have to go to the bathroom.
The speakers blathered on about something -- I'm honestly not really sure what they were talking about. Seriously, I am pretty sure that they were speaking English as I thought I understood what the individual words themselves meant - but when they're all together? no clue.
This literally went on for about 2 hours before they gave us a break. By this time, I was literally praying for death or some kind of terrorist attack so that I could get out of my chair. Luckily, it didn't come to that - they gave us a 10 minute break (WTF USG!? TEN MINUTES? Have some damn pity of those of us who are actively praying for death...) and I could use the restroom. As such, I didn't come to social ruin this morning...there is still till the end of the week though - give it time.
ANYWAY, when I arrived back in the room I went back to get another cup of coffee -- hoping that they had refilled the stupid pot - and I noticed that the coffee pot I hogged earlier was DECAF! (DAMNITT! When will I learn not to be all piggy!?)
WTF!?! WHO THE HELL MAKES DECAF!? If you're not drinking coffee for the caffeine, you should just have a damn glass of juice! DO NOT clog up the area with that damn decaf. MAKE TWO EFF'IN POTS OF REGULAR COFFEE IN THE AM...ESPECIALLY if you're going to make us sit through people reading off of power point presentations that they obviously have never seen prior to its projection on the big screen!
I shit you not, one guy seemed almost surprised by the information on the screen. (Now I kinda wonder what he was saying -- I really should ask someone). So fast forward 8 hours and 10 cups of caffeinated coffee later - I'm sitting in my hotel room...wide awake....watching Mama Mia!!
So when you're near me, Darling can't you hear me..SOS....
I might need some kind of Abba Intervention.
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
13 hours ago