Sunday, July 5, 2009

An Educational Post

I decided I would give something back to the community. I realized that I might have been a tad bit self-centered lately. How did I realize this, you ask?? Well, let me tell you. As I unpacked my stuff, I came upon a pic of Josh and myself back in the day when we actually lived in the same country. Back when I spoke to him on a daily basis that wasn't over an instant messenger or skype that always had a bunch of background noise and randomly the stupid kitty would come up instead of my picture because I can't figure out how to fix that damn video function.

(Interruption: listen science, please -- AFTER you finish inventing the fat pill -- I would really appreciate it if you could invent some type of technology that could fix the damn computer based upon what I am screaming at it, i.e., when I scream FIX THE F'N CAMERA AND MAKE THAT DAMN TALKING KITTY (that is kinda creepy frankly) GO AWAY! The 'puter knows what I want and the kitty goes quietly into the night. End interruption.)

Anyway, I realized that I have not seen my hubby in almost 7 months. SEVEN months people. Wait... I can't do math. I saw him in January. WHATEVER - It's been a long time. So, before I see him, I wanted to kinda make myself a better person (not deep down inside, I don't have that kinda time here - I see him at the end of July people. I just want to APPEAR to be better! I'm not running for JESUS!)

AS SUCH, I decided that a simple (albeit not exactly effortless, because I have to TYPE this stuff) thing to do would be to educate you all about the potential dangers of international travel.

Begin Education:

Duty Free is not a good deal. I realize that many of us THINK that it is duty free, therefore, it is a bargain - and you know why we think this? Because nobody really knows what "duty" is; therefore, we assume, if there is no "duty" you're getting it for a steal. Frankly, the only reason we go to duty free is because you quickly realize you are bored as hell waiting for the connection - even when you are in the business class lounge. Depending on which country you are currently transiting - sometimes there are no english language papers except for stupid USA Today and what the hell is that? It's like the People Magazine of Newspapers.

DO NOT under any circumstances attempt to do your own conversion to US Dollars (or British Boops, Canadian Canuks, Dubai Dingos, etc)!! it is important to remember that just because you are in a foreign country, does not mean that you suddenly know how to do math and it is probably not a good idea to assume that everything is "around $7," because sometimes it is not. SOMETIMES it is "around "$70," and even though that little travel bag that comes with the lotion LOOKS so cute, it is not actually worth it to buy the lotion that you're not really sure what it does because you can't read the language, but you're sure you can eventually figure it out. I'm just saying, sometimes you can't.

Do NOT assume that just because your Hubby is not in the same country, that he will not be able to check the credit card statement. Damn online banking and its stupid JOINT access accounts. Frankly, while the Feds are regulating the banking system, they really need to add in a requirement that the bank notify you if your hubby checks the accounts (credit, OR checking) so that you have time to determine WHY you spent so much money at duty free for that lotion and perfume that kinda stunk so you gave it to your housekeeper and you bought that purse in that name brand store you would normally NEVER go into because you know you can't afford it, but it SEEMED like such a deal when presented to you in Dingos, but then you did your own conversion and you thought it was like $17, and it was DUTY FREE ....ummm....well, let's just say I'm going to need some time to prepare. Okay!?

THEREFORE, IN CONCLUSION, when traveling internationally it is important to remember to always have an excuse pre-prepared for when you go to Duty Free because let's face it, you are NEVER going to be able to NOT go in there!!

Oh, and FYI, also do not try to finish the entire big thing of Toblerone that you bought for the office, but just wanted to try (to make sure it was still good and not stale) but then realized that you ate too much of it and you pretty much needed to hide the evidence. Yeah, don't do that either.


Beth said...

This is why my husband and I don't have joint accounts. And when I say something cost only $7 dollars (even here in America that crap can be confusing), he has to believe me.

On a different note, I don't do much shopping. He is the one who comes home with a lot of shit and it was ALWAYS ON SALE! Damn! He is totally spending too much money! I should have known!

darsden said...

LOL Michel you are so Hilarious..! You know I have done the but it's only $$ and I look I saved you $$$ do you have a kitty talking to you...shouldn't it be some dingos? Seven months that is a long time girlfriend. You be visitng in the States or is he visiting you. I know you are excited that is around the corner. Oh an on the chocolate blame a mouse or something...tell somebody maybe you will get a few days in the yard while they try to take care of the problem ;-)

Fragrant Liar said...

OMG, it's been so long since I've been in school . . . Are you handing out Cliffs Notes? I mean, I am the queen of shopping in airports, but who has time to think straight AND throw back a cocktail between flights? I mean, probably Vodka Mom can back me up, but maybe some pocket notes?

And math!? OMFG! Conversion? How does anyone convert to a British Boop? Sounds like a turd in the hand is worth two in your tush. I mean, did you make that up?

I'm exhausted. Can I go to recess?

blognut said...

NOW I know why you are so friggin' cranky all the time. I mean, really, I don't want to jump over the line of decency here, but 7 months without... well... Josh?! I'd be complaining a lot, too!

And I totally appreciate all of your educational advice. I can feel the earth tipping on its axis just a bit as Michel becomes a better person. (Although, I have to also throw in here that I was perfectly happy with the old Michel.).

Fragrant Liar said...

It must be that you have been away from Josh way too long. Better get that fixed. Josh? I'm thinking Michel's sanity is tied to you residing in the same country. For god's sake, she's trying to TEACH us something. And she's making friends with dingos. Hurry, dude.

Hit 40 said...

Like Beth - we have separate $$$ too. Our credit cards are in our own names. We have separate credit scores. He never asks what I have on my credit card. Nice!!

Medora said...

You might have separate accounts and credit score, Eileen, but when you're married, you are married credit-wise, too. If his credit sucks, so does yours, by association, and vice versa. I learned that the hard way. You could have great credit, but his gets pulled with yours when you apply for credit, and will definitely affect yours. No more marriage for me, thanks very much.

Toblerone is the bomb. It can hurt you, though, if you aren't careful.

I wish I could lose my ex-husband for seven months. Can I send him to you?

PetalsYoga said...

A thousand times YES!!! You really want to shop "duty free"? Come to Oregon. The whole state is duty free. We have no sales tax on anything! Buy a car duty free! Now that rocks! My husband is so technologically unsound that he hasn't even figured out that we have online banking. KaChing! Every once in a while I moan over the bank statements and tell him "let's be really careful this week" so he'll think I'm taking it all very seriously when in fact I'm in Spending Nirvana!

I'm so glad that I've found you and your blog... you made my weekend!

Missy said...

Oh, the online banking would get me too!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Lesson noted, printed and filed for future reference. I think you've forgotten life's little rule tho. "No good deed goes unpunished."

otin said...

I don't travel to foreign lands, unless you count Alabama and Mississippi! LOL! Sorry Darsden! I would never have a joint bank account with anyone, even a spouse!

Susan said...

I NEVER shop duty free and I NEVER tell my husband what is going on in my private account. But he knows when I've had too many pre-flight/during-flight whatever cocktails and when I've had too much Toblerone. Should I send you some batteries too for your next separation from Josh?

Kate said...

I love the way you write, so much fun! Are you going to Sudan? I can't imagine not seeing my husband for 7 months, I'm not sure I would survive it!

Hit 40 said...

I like Susan!!! Batteries!! Excellent. The doggies didn't stop by today? What the heck? I will go find your boys for you.

Comedy Goddess said...

Wow. I feel so much better about being a local traveler now.

Nicely done Michel!

Gaston Studio said...

Damn Susan, that's what I was going to say!!!

All people should have their own account, married or not; keeps things honest... and secret.