Yeah, ummm....Hi God. Yeah...it's me again. I just wanted to let you know that tonight is new Year's Eve (which, I'm thinking your probably already know because you kinda know a lotta stuff, right??) Well...since you know stuff...you probably know that I cannot be trusted on New Year's Eve. I realize that there have been a number of instances where I had some bright ideas....
Remember how for the last few years Minoy and I would make the resolution to start smoking?? Then we got sick from smoking and our hair stunk so bad that I couldn't even sleep on the floor of the bathroom with my best friends, toilet brush and rug......so then last year we decided we'd start smoking clove cigarettes because those smell good....but then they DON'T actually smell good - so we had to drop that too... So the lesson we learned from that was that Smoking is NOT a good hobby to start on New Year's Eve.
Now, I know that I was all put out there for a bit that nobody ever warned me about the dangers of smoking, if only someone had put up some sort of a sign or warning or something. I don't blame you though God, I blame Society (and by Society, I mean Canada).
ANYWAY, this year, I thought it might be useful if I could potentially head off the impending smoting and/or visit by the Angel of bedspins and vomit, or (worse yet) the angel of Hangovers and Headaches. THIS YEAR, I was wondering if it would be possible to say sorry in advance -- maybe get some credit, if you will....for what I will undoubtedly pull this evening.
Now I know you're probably wondering how on earth I will manage to get into trouble in a dry country....
I found booze God....I found it.
Weren't You the one who told us to "seek and ye shall find"??? Or, was that mapquest? I forget...either way, God...
What I can guarantee is that I WILL be sorry God. (I always am.) What say you, this year let's just skip the whole 01 January 2010 Smoting - cut out the middle man, if you will....I
If you agree God, I totally promise to tell everyone if 2010 is good or bad -- passing on the message so that Other's know...I'm a whole 8 hours ahead (11 ahead of my mommy, you know...that can really be helpful to them...) It's almost like I'm a Saint, right??
Okay, I'll accept simply not praying for death tomorrow morning. Be a lamb, won't you?? Hear my prayer!!
Best Wishes to you in 2010...I'm a BIG FAN of your work....
Michel
Thursday, December 31, 2009
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8 comments:
Happy New Year. While you are on the floor, please say hello to toilet brush and rug for me. Just sayin. Since you'll be there first.
i would say happy new year...but you probably wont remember. lol. good luck!
See, you have to be young to still pull off that party shit. If I tried it now I'd wake up dead... and probably in hell. Something I'd like to put off for as long as possible.
But you have yourself a damn good time!
Dear God. . . Please forgive me for what I'm about to do!
Love it Michel!!! See you know your actions and are willing to go ahead and fess up and ask forgivness anyway.
Just so you know I'm sure PS will be at home kneeling beside her bed praying for your soul while you are out living it up. She has a pretty good connection, so I say, go have a great time!!!!
Be safe! And. . .Happy New Year!
Okay, clearly you didn't read between the lines of the last letter to God. You went and did it again. . . and you want to call yourself a saint for asking forgiveness first? HELLO. . . .
My knees are completely callused from praying for your drunkness. . . I have no more rosaries left. . . and you still want to do it all over again. . .
Wait, I hear something? "Yes God, is that you?
Yes I am reading Michel's blog.
You want me to tell her what?
Oh my. . . Michel God told me to tell you if you don't start writing some love letters to him just because and without all the "oops I did it again" crap that Brittney Spears is famous for, He is having you relocated to Canada for at least one year without parole!
That means you may be closer to home, but you can't visit!
Now, just know that I love you a whole bunch and so does God. . . so when you find your way from the bathroom floor, to a kneeling position over the porcelain god, remember to pray to God above who will be there for you. . . . I can't anymore. . .my knees are bleeding. . . and I won't be able to wear shorts in the spring time if this keeps up.
Love you and Happy New Year!
PS
Oh, Michel, you are a wise woman indeed. I'm about to leave for a party and I think I'm going to take a quick moment to pre-pray for forgiveness, too. I hope this works.
Of course, I will probably be smoted just for asking 'cause God will be all... "Who are you? You never write, you never call, and now you want something..." but I might try it anyway. If it spares me a night on the cold, hard bathroom floor with toilet brush and rug, it might be worth a try!
Happy New Year!!
No, I think he was the one who said, "Take, and ye shall receive."
Right?
Those damn Canadians. It's always their fault!
Just sayin'...
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