Dear GSO,

I am in receipt of your refusal to purchase a Blackberry for my use in Khartoum and have made note of your recommendation that I continue to utilize the Nokia that came with the purchase of my cellphone service provider.

While I understand that as a USG contracting and purchasing officer you need to appear as if you are fiscally responsible. I would also like to note, however, that there may have been a few purchases you have made here in Khartoum that could have been avoided and, if rectified, you could probably find the $300 in the budget to purchase me a phone that doesn't require that I type a damn number three times in order to get the letter I want for my texts. AND, as I noted (in my 7 page essay I attached) on the procurement request form, I do not actually like to speak directly to people, therefore, I utilize the cell phone solely for texting purposes.

Well, except for last Tuesday when I had to call you at 0700 (you were not responding to my texts that began with EMERGENCY DAMNITT!) because there was no water in my house and I needed to go to work, but was on this new diet and exercise kick so I had "worked out" and therefore, my ability to shower was a NECESSITY. And, I do apologize that I was sarcastic to you on the phone when you called me back at 0945 to tell me that my water was "fixed" and I asked you what your definition of "fixed" was because mine meant that water would come out of the faucet - not just be located in the gereral vicitiny of my residence in Khartoum. However, I still contend that it is a health hazard when the contractors turn off the electricity to the water pumps and then forget to turn them back on so we are (unknowingly) drinking and showering with stagnant Nile water that eventually empties the tanks (and you know that Anna totally drank the last glass of Nile and there was likely some sort of amoeba in there that has been there since the residence was built in 1962). Further, although I understand that the Embassy Doctor told you that he was sure we would be "fine" in response to complaints about drinking stagnant water, I still contend that none of us has actually seen his medical credentials and he didn't appear to know what I was talking about when I was demanding Adderall.

I'm just saying, perhaps someone should look into this.

Anyway, as a money saving option perhaps you should look into a few things I have noticed just on the townhome compound here:

-- you installed an unsightly fence around our pool (that you then painted baby blue in an effort to try to blend in with water, but you should note that the water does not extend 6 feet into the air above the pool. You're not fooling anybody) in order to comply with regulations that all Embassy pools have a fence for the safety of the children. Please note there are no children here at post. You guys do not allow them.

-- you apparently pay local contractors to collect large piles of dirt and place them randomly around the housing compound - usually in the driveway so as to create an obstacle course for people trying to park unwieldy armored cars - and on the roof. How much money did you pay them for the three new large piles of dirt on my rooftop?

-- you allegedly pay top dollar to the contractor for "residential upgrades." I'm just saying, you might want to go over the definition of "upgrade" - Although I realize I have my own sense of decoration for my house - uncovered wires sticking out of the ceiling (with two light fixtures on either side of the wires) is not really to my liking. It must be more of a Sudanese decorating style.

Now that I have pointed out where you could potentially save MORE than the $300 I am requesting for a blackberry and/or other phone with a full keyboard, I would like to respectfully request that you take another look at my procurement request with attached needs survey essay. I am sure that you will find that my request is within the budget.

I appreciate your anticipated cooperation in this regard. And should my request be considered favorably, I promise not to call you ever again. (I will have Anna do so).

Best regards,
Michel