Sunday, February 28, 2010

Dear Anthropologie,

I am in receipt of your email informing me that you have canceled my order from 20 days ago.  I am also in receipt of your subsequent email informing me that you will not be sending me anything I ordered from this account due to historical activity on the account.

I must admit that I am impressed that your website has the capability to track the locations of the internet service provider utilized by an account placing an order. I am also impressed that you keep a record of the locations account holders have logged onto the website for what seems to be infinity.  I think that our homeland security elements could benefit from your unique talent and capabilities.

I am sending you this letter, however, in order to clear up what appears to be a misconception on your part with regard to your role in carrying out US policy decisions.  Although I fully understand that Sudan (the location of the ISP I initially used to place some items into my cart) is currently subject to sanctions, I do not think, however, that the US government intended for you to add frilly shirts to the list of items currently under sanctions.  Further, said sanctions are not intended to punish U.S. diplomats that have to LIVE in Sudan.  I mean, if you stop to think about it for just a minute, you would realize that we're not your intended audience.    Moreover, I do not think you need to be overly concerned that the Sudanese government (who govern Sudan under shariah law) are going to order a frilly top with cap sleeves anytime soon.

In addition, I would also like to assure you that if, for the sake of argument, the Sudanese Vice President manages to fool everyone -- and he goes to the effort to join (or in my case, marry someone in ) the US military in order to open a bank account at Navy Federal, THEN, he gets a job so that he has a credit history and they unknowingly give him a visa card, THEN he purchases a house in Northern Virginia so that he could have an address to utilize for just this occasion, and then decides he DOES  want to order that frilly shirt with cap sleeves to wear to his next state dinner...So he orders it and asks for it to be sent to his address in Virginia, and THEN he flies to the states to meet that package and brings it BACK to Sudan and looks just FABULOUS at that State dinner...I'm just guessing ... you can assume that you would be safe to send him that shirt.

However, since I am in receipt of your notification, I have decided that I no longer like your frilly shirt with the cap sleeves.  You may go ahead and send it to the Sudanese Vice President with my blessing.

I'm going back to my BFF, Ann Taylor.

Mocking your overpriced natural fibers,

Michel

17 comments:

McGillicutty said...

frilly shirts with capped sleeves can be dangerous... as dangerous as my toothpaste that was confiscated the last time i flew on a domestic flight! sigh!

injaynesworld said...

Well, SNAP, girlfriend! Way to give 'em hell.

Jaime said...

wow. those frilly shirts are really a matter of national security. who would have thought it? maybe they're hiding nuclear weapons in those cap sleeves...

Juli Ryan said...

If only Anthropologie were in charge of Homeland Security. What a world this would be.

Call me, Anthropologie! My country is allowed to receive frilly shirts with cap sleeves. (But I can't afford you.)

darsden said...

well honey what did you expect when you order Little Debbies by the cargo load???

Fragrant Liar said...

It's a cap-sleeve frill-fest security breach. We're going to Defcon 5!

Jason, as himself said...

These are thoughts that I have never even begun to consider!

♥ Braja said...

YOu won't believe this (and in the end, does that even matter???) but the little frame on my desk next to me is from Anthropologie; it still has the pricetag on the back, $28, that was 1999, Santa Monica somewhere. Or Beverly Hills. Isn't that uselessly trivial information?!

blognut said...

Ann Taylor told me to tell you that you're welcome to come back. She still loves you.

However, she doesn't like those cap-sleeves on anybody because, really, they're uncomfortable and unflattering, but she forgives you for thinking about them and welcomes you back anyhow.

tera said...

Did they really? For shame!

...and exactly what is "historical activity"? I'm pretty sure you don't go around re-enacting the shooting of Lincoln or the sacking of Rome.

Although, come to think of it, you might.

Captain Dumbass said...

How do we know you aren't the Vice President of Sudan and this isn't all part of some elaborate hoax to scam Anthropologie?

Gaston Studio said...

Ann Taylor is going to be so happy to read this and FYI, those frilly shirts with capped sleeves make your shoulders look huge.

Susan said...

Will you write letters for hire? 'Cuz I have a long list and I'm willing to pay. And tell your friend Ann Taylor that fat girls need classic, well-priced clothes, too. I'm sure she had to close a couple of stores once I gained weight. Just like the liquor stores had to increase prices when I moved to another town.

flask said...

if you knew what kind of a day i was having, you would know how very grateful i am for this gift of sinus-blowing laughter.

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A Daring Adventure said...

It's Friday, and that means that the Third Weekly State Department Blog Roundup is up - and you're on it!

Here is the link:

http://bit.ly/9hUsvA

(If I quoted your text or used your photo(s) and you would rather I had not, please let me know. Please also be sure to check the link(s) that I put up to you, in order to verify that they work properly. If you would rather that I had not referenced you, and/or do not want me to reference you in the future, please also contact me.)

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

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