Monday, February 8, 2010

And Then My Mommy Turned Against Me....

Let this be a warning to you all....if you don't call your parents (and then openly acknowledge on your blog that you have forogotten to call your parents for MONTHS) and then get distracted because the construction on the pool was finally finished at your house and you had to go outside and tan your white fat (because tan fat totally looks better than white fat DOOY! This is a well known fact) and then you realize that you've failed to do the metric sun conversion rate for Sudan (which is apparently less than 17 minutes of exposure time) and you now look like some sort of tanning bed addict because of your American Indian Lineage.....AND THEN YOU FORGET TO CALL YOUR PARENTS AGAIN....they're going to unleash the hounds. 

Case in point:  I received this extremely hurtful email from my mommy!

Dear Michel
 
It appears to me (and thanks to CNN and all other news media--it has been broadcast to the WHOLE WORLD) that you have again missed the coveted Snow Day! 
 
Why would that happen, Bear?  It is time to look at your life, girl! Something is clearly very wrong, because -------it would more precise (linguistically) to say that you have been DENIED the Snow Day.  I mean, who could miss this blessing?  Papa and I had two winters with snow days due to 5 feet of snow--but you get nothing! 
 
The entre East Coast and especially DC at this present moment has over 2 1/2 feet of snow and not much hope of plowing out (Perhaps we should allow ear marks/piggies --er, pork for DC--so they can actually buy (or rent) a snow plow! But then that would require budget approvals and you know how that goes.  Government is supposed to be by the people, and I guess that means government must get the people to personally shovel! By my best guess, this Snow Day will translate into a SNOW WEEK for everyone--except you.
 
Now I ask you, Bear, WHATEVER DID YOU DO?--
 
It must have been huge (and I do have some ideas on what that might be) because   clearly you have really upset the Almighty!  I mean, you not only missed a snow day, you find yourself in a place far from DC (location of said snow day) and even farther from SNOW (good planning, Bear) --and even if snow were to fall in Sudan, no one in your official places would ever bother to declare a snow day!  
 
Good one.
 
The MomMa
 
 
I'm guessing there is not going to be a care package of Little Debbie Banana Moon Pies and Swiss Rolls winging my way anytime soon....I'm just guessing....

Maybe I should call my parents and make the hurting stop....

12 comments:

Frau said...

At the risk of no little Debbie's hell ya!

mo.stoneskin said...

You poor poor girl. I'd send you some Little Debbie Banana Moon Pies if I knew what the hell they were.

Beth said...

I call my mother every day. I should totally get some Little Debbie snack cakes.

McGillicutty said...

Hey she should have her own blog!! or does she and i just don't know about it?

ps. check out my post and donate money... please :)

pps. can you put in a word and get me my citizenship without going thru the regular jumping thru hoops kinda bullshit???? pretty please :)

Gaston Studio said...

I'd definitely be on that phone, pronto, and then sit back and await the arrival of little debbie goodies.

Susan said...

You got slammed, Bear! I'd wait them out...I seriously doubt they're going to go buy Little Debbie's in the middle of this snowstorm.

Brian Miller said...

they had banana moon pies at thegas station for a quarter this morning...

Linda said...

I appreciate your mom's style- expressing faux concern about you missing out on all the goodies, while subtly suggesting you earned the miss.

Remember to call the parents!

SB said...

pride or little debbies???hm. tough tough choice

tera said...

Ouch.

blognut said...

Oh, yeah. You gotta call and say nice stuff, even if it means saying something that isn't totally sincere. You gotta fix this or all hope for Little Debbie is lost.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Parents can be so cunning. You have to watch them. They'll get you everytime.