Thursday, February 4, 2010

My New Medical Diagnosis...Part 73

Okay, so now it's official....my laziness knows no bounds....I barely even blog anymore.  My reason?? I'm sleepy.  I'm tired.  Or, as my husband like to say, I'm ill-disciplined and unmotivated.  WTF man!?  So I likes my sleep? Is that so wrong!? 

Plus, I kinda think I caught Khartoum.  The other day I was all vomitey and hurtey, but they still made me workey because I'm still poorey....So naturally I assumed I had spinal menengitis (because what else could it be!?) But then I remembered that I was on yet another "lose weight and be healthy kick" that included doing this workout video from that snotty biatch who trains Madonna and Gweneth Paltrow and she made me do what appeared to be 2,368 crunches with your hands behind your neck (which in Michel's exercise world means your neck is gonna hurt) -- SOOO, I figured that maybe it might not be menengitis.

Then I thought maybe it was a hangover...but then I remembered that you usually need to have had some alcohol the night before and, although I had a glass or 3 of wine, that shit's normal for me...PLUS, there is no way I'm going to get medevac'd from a hangover, so I totally threw that one out.

So then I diagnosed myself with cerebral malaria - because the Embassy was talking about it the other day - I didn't really listen to the symptoms or where I would have had to travel to get it, but assumed it came from mosquitos - and we totally have mosquitos here!  So OBVIOUSLY, I have cerebral malaria. 

Then the Embassy doctor asked me to please stop coming into his office and asking which diseases would get me sent home for medical care, and that "YOU WOULD KNOW if you had cerebral malaria, you would not be walking in to ask me if you might have the symptoms and to write down what those symptoms were"  (Apparently, he wants me to do my own work, to look up my own symptoms before I demand a medevac....AND, APPARENTLY, he needs to work on his bedside manner...)

So then I just decided that I am going to have to name my own disease....ergo, I got Khartoum.  Or Khartoum got me.    Either way.

And THAT is why I'm too lazy to blog on a regular basis.  (Plus, with Josh here, I'm currently living in a "Little Debbie Free Zone."  I have suggested to O'Campo that Josh be indicted for crimes against humanity.  I'm awaiting the results.  However, I think we all know how this will end.....Obviously, he'll be convicted.  That's just cruel and unusual....)

14 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

Are you expecting me to just say "fair enough" and let you get away with it?

;op

Gaston Studio said...

A Debbie free zone is the problem here... you're not getting your daily sugar dose! Now where are those natural endorphins from all that exercise when you need them?

Jaime said...

nothing wrong like enjoying your sleep. i took the day off work so that i could get some badly needed extra hours of sleep... shh! don't tell the office. i told them i'm sick.

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Captain Dumbass said...

I must have Khartoum right now. Ya, that sounds better than a sore throat.

blognut said...

Holy Crap, Michel!!! Do you think I might have Khartoum, too? 'Cause I have hardly any energy and no Debbie snacks either. Is there a pill for it? Are we FINALLY gonna get Adderall?

Everyday Goddess said...

I'm sure a bad case of Khartoum is listed in the symptoms category at WebMD.

Is there much swelling?
Shortness of breath?
Erectile Dysfunction?

I'm not a Doctor, per se, but it sounds like I'm the only one willing to take you seriously.

tera said...

I think the whole problem stems from the lack of Little Debbie. How long is Josh there? Because you know it takes forever to ship stuff from here to there...if we time it right you can get some the day after he leaves.

tera said...

Although, maybe it's worth it to have him around?

tera said...

Because he can catch bugs and get them out of the house for you and all...

Pastor Sharon said...

The question is, are you happy? If so, Khartoum cannot be your diagnosis. . . however, I'll have to think of one.

It's good to hear from you, missy!

Jen said...

OMG, I just found your blog, and so sorry I didn't sooner. I have been laughing my rear end off for 20 minutes when I am supposed to be re-organizing my daughter's bedroom.

Thank you so much for helping me procrastinate, I will be back!! Please don't mind if I add a link to my blog roll!

Keep up the good work!

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