Well, technically, it is the same victim (me) - but there are now SERIOUS repercussions to this snow-day extravaganza that those lucky mo-fo's in DC are enjoying (except, apparently, those idiots who decided to have kids and didn't plan ahead to realize that kids can totally eff up a snow day if they're also at home. I'm just sayin...Boarding schools have a hidden charm during times like this...) What repercussions, you ask??
THE MAIL FAIRY IS TRAPPED IN DC!
So you know how when I get my mail and it's all exciting, right?? Well, it has come to my attention that the mail fairy is not technically a "fairy" and has to rely on the State Department pouch system to get me my mail from Dulles airport in Virgina....so if flights are cancelled, the fairy is useless. If the USG is closed, nobody goes to work to send my mail to me on the flights and the fairy is powerless.
Plus, now that I have realized that the mail fairy is not actually a fairy...it's a little bit like that day when I realized that Santa Claus was not real....I remember it like it was yesterday (it was technically last Thursday, but it's still with me..it was that traumatic) because my parents told me "Santa is not real you ass! This is Jebus' birthday!" (Honestly, a little more finesse would have been better received there). If it is Jebus' birthday, where was the damn cake mom!?!? Plus, and this is where I air all my family's dirty secrets...my parents would make MINCEMEAT PIE and pretend like that was PIE.
That shit's not pie!? That shit (a) has MEAT in it; (b) has raisins aka dead grapes that nobody wanted; and (c) MEAT MOM!! MEAT!!!
So...my point is WHERE IS MY DAMN MAIL USG!?
Obviously, I need to go shop online so that when the mail fairy DOES decide to go back to work, she has something to bring me....ERGO, my online shopping is not my fault.
The USG made me do it.
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
3 hours ago