Thursday, February 11, 2010

And the Victims Keep Piling Up...

Well, technically, it is the same victim (me) - but there are now SERIOUS repercussions to this snow-day extravaganza that those lucky mo-fo's in DC are enjoying (except, apparently, those idiots who decided to have kids and didn't plan ahead to realize that kids can totally eff up a snow day if they're also at home.  I'm just sayin...Boarding schools have a hidden charm during times like this...)  What repercussions, you ask??


THE MAIL FAIRY IS TRAPPED IN DC

So you know how when I get my mail and it's all exciting, right?? Well, it has come to my attention that the mail fairy is not technically a "fairy" and has to rely on the State Department pouch system to get me my mail from Dulles airport in Virgina....so if flights are cancelled, the fairy is useless.  If the USG is closed, nobody goes to work to send my mail to me on the flights and the fairy is powerless

YOU BASTARDS.

Plus, now that I have realized that the mail fairy is not actually a fairy...it's a little bit like that day when I realized that Santa Claus was not real....I remember it like it was yesterday (it was technically last Thursday, but it's still with me..it was that traumatic) because my parents told me "Santa is not real you ass!  This is Jebus' birthday!"  (Honestly, a little more finesse would have been better received there).  If it is Jebus' birthday, where was the damn cake mom!?!? Plus, and this is where I air all my family's dirty secrets...my parents would make MINCEMEAT PIE and pretend like that was PIE. 

WTF!? 

That shit's not pie!?  That shit (a) has MEAT in it; (b) has raisins aka dead grapes that nobody wanted; and (c) MEAT MOM!! MEAT!!!

HATEFUL!

So...my point is WHERE IS MY DAMN MAIL USG!?

Obviously, I need to go shop online so that when the mail fairy DOES decide to go back to work, she has something to bring me....ERGO, my online shopping is not my fault.  

The USG made me do it.

12 comments:

Lola said...

Online shopping is never our fault!

Brian Miller said...

lol. mince meat pie...you had me rolling....

blognut said...

OMG, Michel!!! I totally understand about the mincemeat pie! What IS that shit, really? I still have nightmares.

And whatever happened to the old mail fairy mantra about delivering the mail in rain, snow, sleet, or armageddon? I thought the mail fairy had to come, no matter what, or that meant the world came to an end.

You go buy some shit online, honey. We all understand.

Anne said...

I just found your blog, and now you are my new best friend. Those wussies at the pouch room better get their asses to work.

minoyw said...

hey, when did you start this up again? good stuff.

i would type more, but ghost whisperer w/ subtitles is riveting...and by "riveting" i mean, it's less taxing than actually typing.

Beth said...

Well, I don't know about you - but I feel better now. My feelings of jealousy over you getting a mail fairy while I have a sweaty, hairy mail deliverer have abated now.

Fragrant Liar said...

Wh-what!? I thought the mail fairy was trapped in Canada! Cuz I--let me repeat, I--didn't receive any fancy schmancy Khartoum USG hat. And so I was all, "That Sudanese Sister of mine didn't even hook me up with USG shit!? WTF?" And so, see now, I'm feeling all bad because I was blaming Canada! And I shouldn't be blaming Canada, I should be blaming . . .

DC?

Those bastards!

tera said...

You know, online shopping places usually have high shipping costs - so if you can find any that have "free shipping" it's totally the same as being FREE!

No, really!

tera said...

Oh, and my brother and his wife and 3 kids are living in student housing. It's tiny. So they didn't have room for a Christmas tree.
So this year? They got Jebus a birfday cake instead.

Seriously. :)

justsomethoughts... said...

how did the words "going postal" never make their way into this ?

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♥ Braja said...

Actually the USG is responsible for everything....