Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Unknown Victims of it All....

So Washington DC is on Snow Day Number 4 now (well, technically 3.5 but nobody hung out for the .5....we all know this! You're not fooling anyone USG employees) - four blessed days of non-working, free holiday bliss.  Free Bliss provided to federal employees....but not ALL federal employees.  There are some federal employees who have been forced to continue to pretend to work.  Who have been forced to make polite conversation with their co-workers  -- even though some of those co-workers are asshats! Apparently, we're not allowed to tell them this...however, I really think we have a duty to warn in this situation. I mean, seriously, I think some of them might not actually KNOW they are asshats.  In fact, I am convinced that this one dude here thinks he is totally popular and that everyone thinks he's cool....we don't.  (and when I say "we," naturally, I mean "me.")  In fact, everytime I encounter him during the day, I want to punch him in the face -- but I don't -- because I'm seriously that good of a person. 

So what I'm trying to tell you is that I'm A FEDERAL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE.  In fact, I have BEEN a federal government employee for so long now that the federal government is currently unable to fire me.  It is UNPOSSIBLE.  Back in the day, back when I was all motivated to make a difference -- back when I actually thought the federal government was a good thing -- some schmuck checked a box that said he recommends me for continued employment.  SUCKAH!    Ergo, I'm unfireable...(unless I turn to a life of crime and comit a felony..and even then I think the USG would likely offer me counseling and give me a job at the post office so I'm not all disgruntled and tell everyone how bad the USG honks.  It's a huge secret.  (FYI, we honk.  Don't tell anyone). 

HOWEVER, because I'm posted to Sudan and it is a chilly 108 degrees during the peak of the day (however, it DOES get down into the low 80s at night, I've got my flannel jammies on...Josh is a lucky man) I'm guessing that Sudan is not going to declare a snow day.  (Although, Sudan is on the metric system.  I'm not really sure what 108 converts to (it's a number that can never be known) so maybe we WILL get a snow day here).  So I am MISSING out on the snow day largesse currently being enjoyed by thousands of federal employees. 

It's an unspeakable outrage...and I'm not going to take it.  (okay, well yes I am, but I obviously won't go quietely!)

So, I need you all to consider the real victims of this tragedy.  The ones who are not currently located in DC, the ones who are sitting at their desk misuing USG computers to write this post (just kidding USG internet police! I'm at my damn house!)   Consider those victims.  Remember them today.  Remember them as they continue to toil day in and day out, answering emails with "Oh, that's not me, you need to contact Katie in some other office that is not my office.."  THOSE PEOPLE are the true victims of this tragedy.  Don't believe the sob stories that CNN are showing you.  CNN is not in Sudan to report the real story (they're always reporting on some stupid other issue here - something about elections and stability in the region..WHATEVER!  BORING!)

Reach down into your hearts and start a letter campaign to the USG and DEMAND that they close the federal government EVERYWHERE!  As a Nation, we simply cannot allow this blatant discrimination to continue! 

Shame on you Obama!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Call your mommy! Just do it. Things will go better for you.:) Maybe there could be Little Debbie's in the mail fairy'
s bag very soon??? Let's talk about this... I am sure I can convince God to help you out. OBviously, this is a tough time for you!

PS This IS the Mommy and I mean it! I am only anonymous becase I do not have a google account--do I have one? I don't think so.

injaynesworld said...

Your plight is duly noted. I'll write my congressman today and demand you get your snow day. Unfortunately, as a Republican, he opposes everything.

McGillicutty said...

Um hello ... I don't get a snow day either..I live in South GA for pete's sake.. we get the cold and the rain which may just turn into flurries and tease the shit outta us but no actual snow!!!!!!! I believe if my thermom in the car is below 40 then I need to stay home under the duvet, with the shih tzus.
p.s. any progress on my citizenship? c'mon now it's no good have friends in Embassies if I can't get the goods.

Brian Miller said...

snow day 9 out of the last 10 hear...i am sick of snow days...there may be victims. lol.

Jersey Girl said...

And just to make you feel EVEN better, I just want to share this commercial I saw last night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B71g7xGqBdA

Amanda said...

Consider this, my friend, a USG employee is stuck in a snow encapsulated house for the third day in a row WITH her CHILDREN.

I'd rather be in the Sudan at work than spend three days stuck indoors with my children!

blognut said...

I think we should not only call our congressmen to complain, we should also host some sort of fundraiser to help the forgotten victims like yourself. We could have a telethon or something.

Linda said...

I'm in Maine, with spots of bare ground showing. No snow days here either.

SB said...

oh i am often that victim too...and then i get stuck at my job unable to go home b/c i am snowed in. that really sucks

Medora said...

Every place in the county closed - including county offices and the university - yesterday afternoon but of course the library had to stay open, so I had to stay here until 8:30 to be available for the one nasty guy who smells like he hasn't seen water or soap in a year, and hacks all over the computer keyboard.

Susan said...

I've called Katie Couric; she'll be contacting you soon to schedule the interview. MoveOn.org is on the problem and I suspect that you'll be making snow ice cream and shivering beneath the flannel sheets quite soon. BTW, I met my local Little Debbie distributor last Friday..bwwaaaaahhhaaaahhhaaaaa

Captain Dumbass said...

I'd write a letter for you, but then I'd probably be put on the no fly list and wouldn't be able to visit your countr- HEY!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

You should call a sand day. That should do the trick,no??

tera said...

I feel your pain. I don't get snow days either.
Hubs does (although not this year as we have no snow...) but last year he got several snow days. Me - I had to drive in a blizzard, to our backup center which, normally is 30 minutes away, but took 90. If the roads become so bad we can't drive, they actually will send emergency vehicles to get us. All so I can answer a phone and say "911, you're problem is stupid - get over it!" (Ha! I wish!)

tera said...

Oooh! I like the idea of a "sand day"! :)

Fragrant Liar said...

Dear USG Sudan,

Give Michel a sand day. Make it 4.5 days so she'll feel like she got something over those DC honkers.

Sincerely,
Fragrant Liar

Dear God over Sudan,

Give Michel a sand day. Make it 4.5 days of dust-out conditions so she'll feel like she got something over those DC hongers.

Thanks be to you,
Fragrant Liar

Kaylen said...

I don't know if I'll even be able to sleep tonight. This is such a tragedy...