Monday, October 26, 2009

I Really Hope There Isn't Some Kinda Test Where They Review Your Ipod Tunes Library and Then Judge You Because I Just Realized I'm a Freak.

Okay, before I begin, I totally cannot seem to grasp the rules of Capitalization in Titles.  (See?? I capped it like I think it should be done, and when it is all short and shit, it's pretty easy - but what if there was a "then" in that, or a "you"?? Do those get capitalized??  WTF grammar police!?  Where are you when I need you?)  PLUS, titles are hard.  You totally gotta try to be all creative and make some pithy reference that makes sense for what you're going to talk about - and that means you have to know what you're going to talk about - It's frankly exhausting.  AND, as you all probably know by now, I'm waaay too lazy to look that shit up and read through to the end - Therefore, I'm just going to capitalize random words and call it a day.  And I will likely also continue my love affair with run-on sentences too.  Deal with it. 

Soooo, last night I'm driving home after working really late at the stupid embassy and I had a little wee bit o' road rage.  Turns out, I should probably get a driver to take me home when I'm really tired and crabby.  (For future reference and the state of relations between the US and Sudan, someone write that down).  ANYWAY, in Sudan they don't actually obey any traffic laws and there is no courtesy driven social contract.  These people just effin go, and they drive on whatever side of the road they feel is most convenient. I get that.  I usually just take advantage of that and do whatever the hell I want.  In truth, I was kinda enjoying having no speed limit, obeying traffic lights if you feel the mood coming on - but last night...i'd had enough. 

So I'm turning left onto some road whose name can never be known because Sudan has not decided on a name for its streets yet.  Everyone calls it whatever the hell they feel like.  So for your reference, it was the road just past the burned out donkey carcass and just before the large pile of tires near the airport....(are you with me?) SO anyway, I make a run for it when there is a break in traffic and there is a little amjat (which is like a little wee van-bus) that decides HE wants to turn left and goes out onto the side of the road that I am trying to turn.  SO THEN that guy gets PISSED AT ME because apparently, I didn't get the memo that he has the effin right of way because he is in a hurry.

So he starts yelling out the window and waving his arm at me.  he's all fired up.

So what did I do??  I stopped the car in the middle of the street.  I had to GET OUT because the windows do not roll down in my stupid armored car, which is very frustrating, fyi - and I screamed at him, asking what the hell is his problem, and would he like to explain to me why the hell he thinks he should be allowed to turn from MY SIDE of the road.   And I pretty much created a scene.  However, that guy didn't speak english, so he just stared at me like I was "mashnuna" (crazy lady) and then he got pulled over by the traffic cop. 

I think I scared the shit out of him. He totally didn't see that one coming.

ANYWAY, my point is that when I headed back to my car, I realized that I had Miley Cyrus' new song that OH MY GODDESS made me listen to and then got me hooked, so it is not my fault. She's a pusher --  blaring out of the Ipod over the car stereo and it was pretty loud. 

So I would like to apologize to America for giving the Sudanese population that the American people are all a bunch of teen aged girls.

Nobody could have known.   It was unknowable.

20 comments:

Juli Ryan said...

Oh, cringe. I can't believe y'all like that song. Thanks a lot, Billy Ray. Taylor Swift, now that's some music I can relate to.

mo.stoneskin said...

That chap is a friend of mine. He told me he was angry because you have been reportedly burning every donkey carcass you can find. Stinks the place out, he said.

I'm no good at grammar, but normally I just capitalise every noun, adjective, verb etc, and that pretty much just leaves conjunctions.

But then if I'm referring to a person or place in the title it upsets me because there is no clear proper-case distinction, and then I go burn a donkey to vent my frustration.

Frau said...

I would go crazy...I have such road rage even on my bike I get pissed at the Germans for not riding on the right side etc.. as for Miley I'm stuck on that damn song too!

CarrieAnn said...

I stress about the title issue, too. I'm afraid that if it doesn't sound good, no one will read it. Your drive sounds like my daily commute. Not that I have road rage, too, or anything....I swear.

Beth said...

You should be careful who you take advice from because they don't always have your best interest at heart. :) And don't take any lessons on how to handle road rage from my husband. It isn't pretty.

As for what is on my iPod, I would probably be labeled as someone with multiple personalities.

McGillicutty said...

God bless you for your Road Rage.. I love it but please be careful!!!
I once had a little pedestrian rage in London, a lady wouldn't let me and my four year old cross this tiny little road but it was one of those situations where she kept kind of going then stopping..irritating. So I eventually grabbed Ash and stepped out in front of the car and STUCK MY TONGUE OUT AT HER!!! hahahahahah wtf was that?? It was hilarious!!! even she laughed her ass off.
My ipod is a mess of shit btw and really quite shameful.

Elle said...

Miley Cyrus??? Hey, not judging or anything, but seriously?

Gaston Studio said...

I think maybe you just won the award for having the longest post title in history!

So, when you stepped out of the armored car, did you have on your armored suit, so that you stayed protected?

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I am so confused about titles too! It's crazy!

Alos, I totally get road ragewhen some idiot comes from behind me and attempts to over take my car iin my lane! UGH! I hate people that can't drive.

That one girl said...

You are so brave, getting out of the car to make a point. Damn, and I thought I was all tough and gangster.

Susan said...

Look, Hannah Montana. You can keep the capitalization problems and run-on sentences but the punctuation issues with regards to parentheses are MINE. So step off or I'll put a burned donkey carcass in your funky air conditioning unit. Love, your favorite Jonas brother.

franzi said...

hannah montana!!! no wait, the real girl one. whatever.

you have guts to get out in the middle of the road in sudan by yourself yelling at people! i would have never been allowed to do that in mozambique.

franzi

Captain Dumbass said...

You wouldn't have those problems if you rode to work on Boomer the Gigantordog.

Middle Aged Woman said...

Let's make a pact right now, Michel: whichever of us dies first, the other one erases her iPod and computer hard drive. Save us and our families much humiliation.

A Mom on Spin said...

You mashnuna, you. . .

rxBambi said...

AHAHAHAHA!! I freakin love that song and I'm so embarrassed because it's stinkin Mily or however you spell it!. But the DJ started playin my song and I put my hands up and everythings gonna be ok and I'm nodding my head like "yeah" and moving my hips like "yeah"
hahahahahahaha

Jaime said...

titles are overrated. it's too hard to think of something catchy. i don't bother.

tera said...

Too funny! Did you catch my post about how I prob'ly shouldn't flip of other drivers since I have a Jesus fish on the back of my car?("Jesus loves you, asshole!" Ha ha!) Yah, well, lasted a whole day.
I know. I'm so mean.

Props for holding your own!

tattytiara said...

Exactly why my titles are deliberately terrible. When I get sick of writing bad titles I'm just going to number the freaking things.

rubbish said...

So sad. I'll have to get my ten year old to post why Miley Cyrus is so last year.
I suppose, living in Sudan, excuses you for not knowing that.