So I get this email from my Daddy, right?? And I'm all feeling guilty because I realize that I have not actually called my parents since .....carry the one......about Christmas....no wait...I might have missed Christmas...well, it's been a while now.... but in my defense, I have to use Skype, and then I have to actually TALK and think of things to say that are not sarcastic and bitter (which is quite difficult for me, you know...) and then (even worse) I'm apparently supposed to LISTEN to what they are saying to me...and sometimes its not about me, so my motivation to listen is impacted negatively. I mean, you know...it's a LOTTA work.
PLUS, when I'm on Skype making my call, I am technically on the internet. And you know how when you're on the internet there are always distractions....I mean, there are videos of a kitty fighting off a bear for God's sake. How am I supposed to continue to listen when a kitty is fighting off a bear! That's HUGE!
So then when I'm watching the kitty-bear extravaganza, I realize (once again) that I am on Skype and think...oh oh! perhaps I need to insert a "uh, huh...yes. indeed!" but then I notice that there is silence on the line...."SHIT! THEY KNOW!"
And I realize that my parents are also on Skype and are probably watching the video of the kitten riding the Roomba and attacking the pitbull (that shit was funny man!) HOWEVER, I digress...the fact that kitties make good internet video fun was not my point...my point was...that I was feeling all guilty because I've been a half-assed daughter (but for the record I do a half-assed job at work too, it's not personal....I'm just lazy!)
But then I get to the end of the email and I read this statement:
"Josh keep her away from the little debbies, it is for her own good."
*GASP* My own daddy! So now, I'm on an emotional roller coaster of Betrayal, disappointment, and disillusionment. I mean....MY GOD DADDY! How COULD you!?
So then (as if that were not bad enough), he ends the email with:
God Bless and Keep you both,
Love and Prayers
Mom and Dad
Hello! Mockery much?? I'm sooo telling God, Daddy! In fact, I don't think I even have to do so....He knows what you did.
"Thou Shalt Not Mock the Little Debbie" It's right in there...I think it's commandment number 8 or something, the one people forget because they're all "did he really mean that I can't think Mr. Jennings is hot, I mean...Yeah, he's my neighbor's husband and all, but I have eyes man..." so people usually miss it.
But it's there. Trust me. It's there.
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19 comments:
wow. "keep her away from the little debbies"? sounds like something my dad would say. of course, he also told me my legs needed work when i was really out of shape... it's not fair having a dad who could be a poster child for legs of steel at almost 60 years old...
OMG! I can not believe that your Daddy actually turned on you! Next thing you know he's going to stage an intervention or something! OMG!
i like little debbie.
at least your mom doesn't look at you and say, "Ewww, you let yourself get fat!" like my mom does!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Michel! Your dad is in on the SMOTING!
Somehow he got a direct line, and with that little hint to God, he's giving you a chance to save yourself before it's too late!
Woman, if this isn't a sign of the impending Apocalypse, I don't know what it.
Now I want to see the vid of the kitty riding the roomba. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
Wow. That was cold.
I'm praying for your Daddy. . . sounds like he has gone to the dark side! LOL
Man... sometimes parents can scare the shit outta ya... like when I lost my virginity and my mom asked me if there was something I wanted to tell her!!!!!!!!!! NO THERE WAS NOT!!!!!!!
Little Debbie is everyone's friend and confidante... it's the law.
oh your blog is funny. I am on a quest to find fun blogs for my reading delight. yours fits the bill. i plan to visit daily!
p.s. Just finished Jen Lancaster's Bright Lights...LOVED! Have you read Bitter?
I think "anonymous" summed it up nicely.
Wait. What?
Wasn't anonymous just saying "have more drugs"?
'Cause that's how I took it.
Or maybe you need to send some Little Debbies to your dad so he can jump on the frosty cake bandwagon with you!
Child abuse, this is. Child abuse. Shame on your father....
Your father is right. There is nothing natural in a Little Debbie. You KNOW this! Little Debbie's are made from toxic flavinoids, those chemical byproducts of China's manufacturing megaplants--plants that produce billions and billions of profits via all things not quality! It's their version of fatwah ... carried out against the USA via CANADA! AND, like all Gods commandments, this is for your own good. Like, did someone have to tell you not to jump off a cliff?? Apparently, yes. Best Regards from Your Mother. Say did your Chistmas present fit? Did you even receive it?
I'm with Suzy. Was that vid on Youtube?
Little Debbie not good for you? That's an oxymoron.
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The more advanced technology gets, the harder it gets for me to communicate with spoken words. Especially if it is talking on the phone or skype, and sometimes even in person!
This is what they were all warning me about, isn't it?
Another funny, funny post, little miss thing.
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