Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I've Been Busy!!!

Okay, no I haven't.  I've been LAZY.  Really lazy.  Lazy to the point that I still refuse to actually get dressed in clothing that is not sweat pants.  However, I have an excuse -- and a really good one too...seriously, it's acceptable....sorta...okay, well, I accepted it...Josh: not so much.  But I'm still on home leave - remember?? The leave where I am supposed to become American again (Josh didn't get any because he's learning to speak gibberish.  That doesn't count.) AND, what says "American" more than sweat pants from Target?? NOTHING DOES! 

God I love Target.

I just had to get that out there.  Target rocks.  And, this is really exciting (probably only to me, but I don't care.  This shit's HUGE!)....Target has GROCERIES and Starbucks!!!  I distinctly recall getting all annoyed before I went overseas that I had to drive to target AND THEN to a grocery store....Target obviously cares about my needs and supports my laziness!

Now, I can go to my local Target (which is conveniently located less than 3 blocks from me) and not only can I get a new pair of sweat pants and the cordless vacuum I have clearly always needed, but never stopped to realize that I wanted until I walked my cart by the vacuum section...

Seriously, can you guys spell vacuum?? Are there two damn U's or two C's??? WTF?  From this day forward, I'm calling it a DIRTSUCKERUPPER....if a word's too hard to spell, we're just not going to use it anymore.  I don't need that kinda stress, frankly. 

ANYWAY, after I put my dirtsuckerupper into my cart with the furminator and lint rollers, I can just stroll over and pick up milk...and milk duds (WHAT?!?!?!  They're Organic Milk duds -- although it doesn't actually say it on the box, I'm sure they are....Duds don't need pesticides.  Therefore, they're healthy.  You don't know.)

Seriously, I heart you Target!  You complete me.

Anyway, other than my regular visitation to Target, I've been attempting to get Cable and Internet.  As you may have guessed I now have internet (I had cable for one day, and it left me today.  I'm not sure what I said or did, but I'm SORRY Cable!! Come back to me DVR!!  I can't watch commercials!? WTF!?  I can change!  Honestly, I can.  And, I have milk duds...I'm just saying...it's not all bad here.) 

I would like to point out, however, that I arrived in Sudan on 22 March 2009.  I had internet on 23 March 2009.  I arrive in the US on 15 April 2010.  I managed to get internet on 11 May....you do the math.  (no seriously, math is hard.  You're going to have to do it.  I can't. )  I can only assume that there is only one man who does the cable/internet installation for the entire state of Virginia.  He's obviously busy....AND, God help you if you miss his phone call...they cancel your installation if you don't answer - so I've been answering every call on my stupid phone. 

Josh, would you like to explain how Sport and Health, World Vision, the Toyota and Nissan dealerships and YOUR dentist managed to get my phone number?? If I get one more call that opens with  "We're trying to reach Joshua..." 

Not to worry though...I realized you were probably sad because nobody was calling your phone.  So I contacted the Jehovah's Witnesses and told them you were interested in hearing about their faith....and went online and expressed "interest" in learning more about Abilify and left them your phone number.  I'm not sure what it does, but I know I have not been given a prescription for it (yet)...I might need it.

Please let me know what they say.....

16 comments:

A Daring Adventure said...

ROTFL!

Oh how I've MISSED YOU!!!!!

Does the stupid internet service not even know that they've been keeping you away from us!? Which is, like, a crime!?

Which gibberish is Josh learning? And don't you want to be able to learn it, too, when you get to East Gibberishland or wherever you're going next? I just KNOW I've missed something here...

unmitigated me said...

I was beginning to wonder if you had been shipped off to Siberia or something. Obviously, it was the "something."

JJ Pep said...

You are too funny!

Charlene said...

That is so funny about your getting Josh's number out there. What was he doing, giving your number for his because he was too chicken to tell them bug off?

Jenna said...

I love the furminator!!!

Frau said...

It took 8 weeks to get internet when we moved to Germany..I haven't done the math but I think thats more. So are you saying you are having a hard time adjusting to America again? Please say no I'm so looking forward to life with Milk Duds and Target!

Everyday Goddess said...

Target is very reassuring. Milk Duds even more so.

And it's vaccine, and vacuum.

I'm a 1978 spelling bee winner.

You're HERE?! How cool is that!!

mo.stoneskin said...

Are you saying that you don't want your phone number bandied around the web?

Oops. I may have let you down there.

In some ways I think you should simply live IN Target. That way you would never need to move any where and could live a life of leisure.

Jason, as himself said...

Something was more frustrating here than in Sudan? Huh?

What else? What else do you find more frustrating here than in Sudan? Please share!

Captain Dumbass said...

I was going to make a joke about your country and its problem with the letter U, but that would just be spite talking since we don't have Target here.

Bastards.

Fragrant Liar said...

TarGET, TarGET, TarGET! I like to chant that little ditty around my house regularly. Believe it or not, they have rockin' thong undies that are always on sale. Shweet!

I am currently without cable TV but I do have cable internet. Mostly that's because the TVs are all gone out of the house (since we're all moving) and the laptop is still here. I just tried to watch LOST and the buffering shit was about to make me throw this laptop across the room.

I wonder if Milk Duds would make me feel better. They work for YOU, right? Just how many Milk Duds does it take to get that euphoric feeling?

Just Me said...

Welcome back, you've been missed.

blognut said...

Super Target with the groceries and the Starbucks is my favorite place in the world right after Barnes and Noble with the Starbucks inside (because, really, I don't need to eat or drink anything that I can't get at Starbucks unless it is beer and Mr. Blognut makes sure we always have it and this was a really long parenthetical insert).

Sirmelja said...

I keep seeing these Target delivery trucks driving around Cork city - well, actually, it's probably the one truck that I see over and over, but whatever! My point is that it's a LIE! Believe me, I've looked, no Targay here :-( Or Bed, Bath and Beyond, or Panera Bread... I could go on. And on.

Cayeendoh-Bajooh said...

hi!! nicee bloog.. congratulations :)

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