I had a big long list of shit I wanted to do while I was on vacation and -- ahem -- let's just say I didn't get to a few of them:
- Write Thank You notes to everyone who sent me crap while we were in Khartoum (and I was using the "we can't send mail out from Khartoum" excuse) WHAT!? You don't know that's not true!? Well, technically I could have sent LETTER mail, but I didn't have any damn stamps! Stop judging me!!! GEEZ Judgey McJuderson! Lay off! I was going to do it, but now I can't really remember who sent me what, or pretty much anything about Khartoum in fact...it's all a blur...not my fault.
- Brush up on my French -- or, as I like to call it: Learn it (again).
- Teach Dillon Obedience. Not really sure why I even bothered to write that one down. I think we all know that Dillon can have whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. The boy pretty much has me trained...(although I'm not sure he's feeling comfortable in his new home. It's like he needs to find a place of his own -- where he can stretch out and just relax. I should buy him his own couch...He really shouldn't have to share with Josh.
- Write my memoirs and become rich and famous -- However, I figured out I would have to actually remember shit to write actual memoirs...and then I would actually have to WRITE them. That sounds like a lotta steps man....It's just not gonna work.
- Eat and Drink in Moderation -- Let's face it: toilet brush and rug are enablers. It's like they want me to fail!
- Become Addicted to Exercise -- you know how they say that if you do something for two weeks, it becomes habit and you will NEED to do it?? They're liars. Bastards.
- Create a Financial Plan and Monthly Budget. Apparently, you're not supposed to just spend money until the bank calls you and tells you to knock it the hell off...Seriously? Someone really should have said something sooner. I blame society.
10 15 20-- oh, who are we kidding -- 30 pounds. Damn you acaiaiaieieio berry! LAZY!
Actually, I don't have enough time (or the will) to do any of the above...however, I'm not a total loser....I'll just make a new list. A BETTER list...one that I can accomplish:
- Buy the same pair of pants at Eastern Mountain Sports as you did at REI (because you forgotted and I think we all know they're totally cute -- and they dry fast too. Obviously, you need two...) Done!
- Watch a Law & Order Marathon (daily). Done!!
- Brush up on current Reality TV shows to ensure you can gab with the cool kids once you get to the office (Biggest Loser - OMFG...how the hell can a person lose that much weight in 7 months?? By leaving it laying around DAMNITT! that's how....because obviously, I found it!!!) Done!!!
- Sit and stare at the treadmill. Think to yourself..."I should really just get on that damn thing...In fact, if I simply walked while I watched this Law & Order Marathon I could probably do some good...maybe lose some weight" -- FYI, That totally would have been cool if I had done it...in my defense...I did think about it...a lot... Done!
- Take Dillon to PetSmart so often that the cashiers call you "dude" and Dillon "little Dude." Done!