Sunday, May 23, 2010

What I Did on my Summer Vacation....Nothing...

Okay, so I decided I should probably leave the house at some point during my month at home.   Mostly because I have nothing to say when I sit on the couch and watch TV -- and, I'm becoming scarily addicted to the stupid reality TV shows like Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, and The Biggest Loser. (Although, I was really sad to hear that Law and Order  is going off the air....WTF!? (It is the best TV show EVER -  SHUT UP BLOGNUT! It is! You're just jealous.)

What the hell is Jack McCoy supposed to do now?? You can't just throw him out at his age!? How is he supposed to find work in this economy?  We should start some sort of a fund to help him during his retirement....his Ameritrade commercials can't possibly sustain him -- nobody even really knows what that does, they can't possibly provide health insurance for him...) Then, I also found some show on TNT (When I was searching for Law and Order re-runs) called Supernatural and it scared the bejebus out of me....but I couldn't seem to turn the channel because I needed closure - what if that shit is still out there?? And then a second episode starts while the credits are running and I'm still recovering from the first one and BAM! I'm sucked in again.  Next thing I know, it's 4:00 and I haven't gotten out of my pjs....

Vacation is bliss.  Pure bliss.  The fact that I'm not bored is a testament to the people in my head, frankly.  Or, I'm just pure lazy.  Either way.


YOU SEE!?  The above is exactly why I had to exit this house.  And that's when I made a crucial discovery:  Have you ever noticed that Mormons are ridiculously good looking?? Seriously.  Stop for a minute and think about it.  They're damn pretty people.  If someone looks all happy, healthy and American-like...they're probably Mormon. 

Frankly, that pisses me off.  Is it just good genes?  Or, did being Mormon make them pretty?  Why can't Catholics be that pretty?? And, if this issue is as easy to spot as I think it was (it took me like 4 minutes) then why the hell didn't my mom make me Mormon??  I know the whole competing faith premise thing, but damnitt! I could have used a little bit of that prettiness in high school.  SELFISH mother!!

Anyway, that was just my first day outside.  That night, we went out to dinner and drinks for a friend's birthday and once again I ended up back inside with my best friends toilet brush and rug for the entire next day, listening to Josh lecture me on why my old-ass body doesn't want me to drink and maybe I should have listened to him when he told me I should not have that 12th glass of wine and that just because  we now live within walking distance of the bars and restaurants does not mean I have to get our money's worth by getting rip roaring drunk.  (However, I contend that I am being fiscally responsible.  We would not have known how crucial and cool it is to be able to walk to places if I did not prove the theory for us.  Josh needs to recall that he did not have to remain sober while I did our social experiment.  That, my dearest, is reason enough to thank me!  It's almost like I'm a saint.  Josh is seriously lucky!  He should write that down...)

Maybe I should just stay inside for a little bit more.  You see, we really should build to full integration.  I've lost my ability to drink/eat in moderation and tend to forget that people can actually hear me after I have been drinking, that I am not, in fact, in a bubble. 

Who knew?! 

When does the next Law and Order Marathon start??

13 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well being retired that is pretty much my whole life! ha ha ha, thus i had enough time on my hands to think up the whole cookie contest thingy. you have heard about it, yes? i am accepting cookies from anyone that wants to send them to me. i am categorizing them as political cookies, you know, lefties, conservatives, centrists... then the winner will be me. get it? brilliant, huh? now get to thinking girl, or baking...

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Charlene said...

Don't listen to her.

Be your inner cave bear.

I was confined to the house once for two months. After a couple of weeks it became normal. Another result is to have found ou the amazing variety of things you can get your friends to bring you; or the UPS guy.

Frau said...

If you were Mormon you would be drinking apple juice and saying oh! my heck and that is plan boring!

Muffincita said...

bahahahahaha. first time i read you, but it made me LAUGH :)

Jaime said...

i think there's a law and order marathon every day, isn't there?

♥ Braja said...

I also went away and apparently i'm back but I don't know if that's entirely true. Any of it.

♥ Braja said...

I also went away and apparently i'm back but I don't know if that's entirely true. Any of it.

mo.stoneskin said...

Mormons are good looking AND get all that Tuppaware money. It's just not fair.

~Paula~ said...

haha The Mormons are cute. It's the Jehovah's Witnesses you have to watch out for. Nothing sexier than a sweaty man in a tie on a bicycle slowing your ass down on the highway. ;)

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I so can't keep up with all these Law and Orders and CSI's. Oy vey!

blognut said...

Shut up? Me? Are you friggin' kidding me? You KNOW I am right and that damn show Law & Order is rotting your mind.

Also? If your mother had made you morman, you wouldn't be able to drink. HELLOOOOO!!!! What is Michel without alcohol? And where would toilet brush and rug be without your companionship?

Your mama did you a favor.

Captain Dumbass said...

I've never had an ugly Mormon show up at my house. My only complaint would be, where are all the hot Mormon chicks? Why aren't they showing up at my door trying to bring me some faith or whatever it is they're trying to sell?

Dr. Heckle said...

LOL The people in my head keep me pretty entertained too!