Spoiler Alert!!!

Organic = Yucky.  Mother 'effin YUCKY. 

How can I be sure of this, you ask??  WELL....since we've returned to the USA, I've been all trying to be "healthy" (and when I say "healthy" I mean trying to fit back into my pants -- which is not as simple as one might think.  WTF Science!?  Where the hell is my fat pill!?  WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG!?  LAZY!) -- and, according to the TV (which is where I get most of my information) in order to be truly "healthy," we apparently need to go full yuppie and purchase everything organic. 

To make matters worse, Josh has also started spouting all kinds of nonsense that cake is not healthy!  WTF!?  Is nothing sacred???  ---  However, I think we all know that if I were to make said cake with all organic materials, it's OBVIOUSLY healthy.  (Ha HA!  What now suckah?? )  However, the sad part is that nobody actually remembers how to make a cake without using a box (and when I say "nobody" I mean me) AND do you realize how much work it would be to make a cake not from a box?? WHO HAS THAT KINDA TIME!? 


Therefore,  I would sincerely appreciate it if Duncan Hines or that Bitch Betty Crocker would throw the word "Organic" on both a yellow cake mix and a chocolate frosting can.  Let's be honest:  I'm not going to be able to go without cake.  That's simply inhumane.  

Organic cake mixes were not my point though -- my point is (and I do have one) that Organic shit is yucky.  Case in point: this morning I made some "steel cut Irish oats" for breakfast.  My first clue should have been the "all natural," "organic" and "no sodium" that was written on the outside of the container.  My next clue should have been that it said it needed to simmer for 30 minutes.  (WTF!?  THIRTY MINUTES!?  To make breakfast?? I barely give myself that much time for me to do my hair and make up for heaven's sake! I usually end up with my hair in a pony-tail because I made a deal with myself to sleep an extra 20 minutes -- and it is TOTALLY WORTH IT)....

Now I realize that most of you were already thinking, "ewwweee...Gross!" -- when I mentioned my healthy breakfast... I was fooled into thinking that it wouldn't be so bad.  I mean, I actually thought that I liked Oatmeal. 

Turns out, what I liked was the brown sugar and cinnamon -- neither of which are currently in my house.  (Little known downside to moving: you lose all your spices and condiments...and I can never remember that I need to buy them when I'm at the store -- I'm usually distracted by the cake and cookie mixes when I'm in the spice aisle...)

Newsflash:  plain, organic, steel-cut, Irish oats are DISGUSTING...even if you add dried cranberries like the carton suggests.  Eff -U Irish oat-makers...that's just adding insult to injury.
SOOO, I can only assume that the Irish (much like the Canadians) hate me.  Well, guess what Ireland!?  I hated you LONG BEFORE you hated me.  And, I'm pretty sure that this oatmeal comes from the part of Ireland that is NOT in the UK...

Frankly, after this morning's fiasco, I wouldn't support letting you in the UK either.....