No?? Me neither.
This is why I waited this long to tell you all....
They set my people free!!!! No Shit, y'all! I'm coming back to DC after the elections in Sudan. (If they delay these elections one more damn time, I'm going to freak out on their collective asses!)
ANYWAY, I will be headed back to DC soon...I would rather the Northern VA area not be notified of my impending arrival...I'm just sayin...some people might not be as excited for my return as I am.....I KNOW! Unpossible!? Right??
Apparently, it's possible WHO KNEW!?
So, in advance of my return, I thought it might be a good idea to actually list for you some reasons I am so very excited to return to America...the best country. EVER. I said EVER. Write that down.... And maybe some cons that I may experience to prepare you for any subsequent blog postings...(Unless of course the State Department realizes I write this blog and tells me to shut it....oh yeah, it could happen. Apparently, we're not supposed to acknowledge that foreign countries honk. I am guessing I might have let that slip....)
Pro: There is an actual right of way that is acknowledged in traffic. Street lights are not merely a suggestion for people who are not in a hurry and think they are importanty. People in America realize that it is not appropriate to simply fill up the entire street if you plan to turn left, effectively blocking anyone else from using that road. In America, that is frowned upon....(and a cop will bust a cap is your ass if you try it.)
Con: I will have to obey traffic signals, speed limits, respect parking spaces and won't be able to just go around traffic whenever I feel like -- because I'm in a hurry man..and I think I am importanty.... I will no longer have an armored vehicle to protect me from aforementioned busting of cap in my ass....
Pro: Eating vegetables will no longer be referred to as the "Suicide Option."
Con: I will have no excuse not to eat more vegetables. PS I'm still not eating lima beans. Eff that. Nobody should have to do that. NOBODY.
Pro: There will be actual "hot" and "cold" settings on your washing machine, rather than the "hot" and "scalding hot lava" settings we enjoy in Khartoum. Clothing will not shrink to Barbie size after washing.
Con: I will no longer be able to utilize the "it must have shrunk in the wash" excuse for why I can't fit in my damn pants.
Pro: Pumpkin Spiced Latte
Con: Turns out Pumpkin Spiced Latte has more calories than I am supposed to consume in an entire day.
Eff it! I will be in America yo! There is no possible downside!!!
Or is there??
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
3 hours ago