Tuesday, March 30, 2010

It's Been a Big Week Damnitt! Don't you Judge Me!!

So, as you may have noticed I have been a tad bit lazy posting my thoughts....well, you would notice if you were anxiously awaiting for me to tell you what I think about stuff -  which, OF COURSE YOU ARE -- I mean, why on earth wouldn't you be doing that?? DOOY!  ANYWAY, I have (yet another) excuse:  We moved into the new Embassy.  

So naturally, I'm going to finally  say, "Today was a good day!" (No it wasn't.)  -- I'm just trying to be more positive because I was shocked to read someone's comment that pretty much asked if anything good happens here (No it doesn't.)  So then I thought that maybe I should try to be more positive and upbeat...you know, fake....  But then I thought,  Do I really have to be positive with you guys? Let's face it...Positive is going to be a little bits difficult for me to pull off.  It's exhausting! 

Frankly, I think we owe it to each other to be honest with each other.  (OMG!  I almost typed that without laughing...haha.)  No we don't.  Nobody wants to read about some damn form I filled out four times to get blue pens rather than black ones that were made in 1972 -- or that, YES, I did fill out that on-line form four times because this is the type of shit that I can't seem to let go of...but tricky foreign policy issues?? Eh...I'm sure it will all work out -- Christina's probably doing something about it....Now where was that damn form!?

Anyway, moved into the new Embassy that took the USG about 12 years to build.  It's very pretty, all shiny and new -- doesn't smell like ass yet.  Small problem though...nothing really works.  It's kinda like we're working out of a model home.  For God's sake, don't move anything!!  AND, you know how I refuse to use foreign elevators (because they tend to catch on fire and then leave you stranded in them -- I'm not sure foreigners have mastered actual elevator technology)...anyway...I get all the way to my floor - and you can't open the door.  It's locked and you need to know how to open it (I did not).  So I walked down to Post One to complain to the marine (because I always forget and think they will care) (FYI, they don't.)  And he sent me to see the security guy on another floor - so I get in the stairs -- AND IT'S EFFIN LOCKED! 

So I used the elevator.  Amazingly enough, it did not internally combust.....so I figured...NOW it's going to be a good day...

So I decided to go to the new-improved cafeteria to get a cup of coffee.  The Embassy forgot to order coffee.   (Note to Self: write strongly worded letter to Congressman)  (Additional Note to self: Find out who is your Congressman.)  Also, not sure Cafeteria workers speak English or Arabic.  Might actually be mute, which could be a tragedy....(Note to Self: Bring sock puppet or make big picture of yummy coffee).

So I figured that all was not lost...I'll just go into the office and get a cup of coffee there.  I mean, we're the USG.  They provide us coffee pots in the office...we just need to bring in our own coffee.  SURELY someone remembered that.  -- There was no coffee pot, no microwave, and no mugs or anything....SO (Are you still riveted??  This is exciting shit isn't it? Twists, plot turns...etc)  I did some calming measures -- good air in....bad air out.... -- and ran around the office in a panic.  Turns out, I sort created an angry mob.  Afterwards, I was thinking that maybe this was not technically what I was going for in my "be more positive" campaign...but, we did get a coffee pot and microwave by the next morning, so really....if you think about it...I'm a damn HERO!

I'll probably get some kind of award.  So after my triumph, I decided to get started on my work, because I'm totally a dedicated public servant like that....

The Embassy forgot to hook up the printers.  Now I know we're all trying to be an electronic, paperless, green society and all -- BUT THEY WON'T ACCEPT MY FORM UNLESS I SIGN IT AND SUBMIT A HARDCOPY TO THEM!!!

I think we all know what is going on here: The Embassy discriminates against non-1970s era blue pens who are not made by the Lighthouse for the Blind. 

Tomorrow I will be positive.  Tomorrow I will be nice to a foreigner.  Tomorrow I will go to the gym.  Tomorrow I will drive to work and not consider running over people.  Tomorrow will be better.   You'll see.

18 comments:

Jana said...

Seriously... how do they even expect you to function without coffee and the audacity of not having the printers connected. Are you sure its not some kind of conspiracy against you? You know that kind of stuff goes down at embassies like all the time...

Holly Renee said...

Wow, you are a hero. That's a positive. Plus, it doesn't smell yucky there, total positive. Way to go!

Shannon said...

How can anyone be expected to work without coffee? Seriously! You are a hero to everyone who was able to fill their cup the next morning.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Tomorrow...tomorrow...Ok I won't sing it. But I might hum.

mo.stoneskin said...

Anxiously waiting? That's an understatement. I have no nails left.

Every day I survive an elevator ride I consider myself lucky.

Beth said...

When does tomorrow officially arrive? Seems like tomorrow is perpetually elusive to me....

Anonymous said...

you shouldn't set your goals so high. try to be nice once a month or to be positive once a month. if you shoot for every day you may hurt your self. and good mental care is so far away. work in to this slowly, like the USG works to get you your pens.
stand clear , coffee withdrawl is very painful for the one next to her!

Charlene said...

That whole litany of things put in your path to a good work day is hilarious.

Somehow I always thought people who worked for the Foreign Service were acolytes of MacGyver; you know able to solve problems with a paper clip; do paperwork on a cocktail napkin while pretending to drink a martini without an olive. Surely a PMA would be of help.

Esmerelda said...

I want a picture of a sock puppet ordering a coffee from a mute Arab who might speak English if s/he weren't mute.

Middle Aged Woman said...

Okay, technically, YOU are the foreigner, so you get to do something nice for yourself, right? Hello, Ann Taylor!

That one girl said...

Ugh, you and me both.

I'm all for running over people when I'm angry and trying not to be but damn, that is sooo fake so maybe I'll be happy tomorrow with you...

AND, haven't had coffee for, what, 8 months now. Grrr.

See, not much going on in the U.S.

Digger said...

We had Marines who cared once...one even stayed on the phone with me while I was trapped in the (foreign) elevator for 30 minutes. It didn't catch fire, but it kept going up to the seventh floor, down to the basement, up to the seventh floor, down to the basement.

Then we got new marines and I got robbed at knife point. I called to tell them and the one who answered said, "thanks for letting us know" and HUNG UP! Hello, could you call RSO?

At least they said thank you.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely enjoyed reading your post. I appreciate your frankness it is refreshing!!!

5 Kids With Disabilities said...

What??????? No COFFEE????? That's it, I wouldn't have been able to work!
Lindsey Petersen

Jersey Beth said...

I just found your blog. Where have you been hiding? And your comments are just as great! I'm looking forward to our future (yea, ok,it' sgonna be one-sided) relationship! ha!
There, now I'm not lurking.
Nice to meet you.
Beth (Jersey)

Erin G said...

Ok I just found you through donna in china, and, well... hello there hilarious. This is a new take on an expat blog. Add to google reader? Yes please. :)

Anonymous said...

So if I'm reading you correctly, the Foreign Service is not a good choice for people who like to have the trains run on time?

blognut said...

You know what? I keep trying this whole positive attitude, positive words, thing and it isn't that hard as long as all the stupid people stay away from me. I think you and I should keep some sort of diary on our progress and join the talk circuit. We could be like Dr. Phil, only not bald or annoying.

You aren't bald or annoying are you?