Scratchy = Healthy

So I'm not sure if I've already told you my theory on how to determine whether something is good for you and you could eat as much of it that you want - or, alternatively, if it is bad for you and will make you fatter if you sit in the same room with the stuff.  My theory is foolproof and this weekend I proved it yet again...and also another little known fact about healthy shit.

Begin theory:

Soft food = tastes yummy, wish you had it right now, fat ass (see donuts, cake, ice cream)
Scratchy food = healthy food, makes you gag, don't actually want to eat it (see, celery, brussel sprouts)

End theory

So anyway, this weekend I decided that I would make some bread.  I know! RIGHT!?  How totally wifey is that?  It's very Betty Draper - although, I didn't have any cigarettes, but I did have a glass of wine (to make the kneading less annoying).  However, you may recall that Josh is here.  So I had to totally pretend like I cared about being healthy and nutrition and all that other BS...so I decided to make whole wheat bread, instead of fluffy white bread (that I make REALLY WELL, FYI). 

Now here is where the valuable lesson comes in - not only is whole wheat bread scratchy to eat, it is scratchy to knead.  So you totally  know right there that it is going to be a nightmare...(spoiler alert) So i knead, look for some bandaids to cut down on the chafing - and then i set it aside to rise. 

It doesn't rise.  It just kinda gave a half-assed effort to puff up a bit, then it just kinda sat there.

So I still persevere.  I bake that shit.

I made a loaf that weighed about as much as a big ole rock.  It wasn't hard, but it was totally scratchy.

THEREFORE, my point is (and I do have one) once again scratchy shit ruined my weekend.

So there you have it: conclusive proof that scratchy, healthy food sucks.  Every time.   I rest my case.