Okay, so it has come to my attention that perhaps it is not the best idea to base your demands for prescription drugs from commercials. Although I fully realize that this totally sounds like crazy talk,I am here to (once again) perform my public service by educating you guys on shit I do wrong so that you don't have to face the same humiliation that I do on a daily basis.
Is it just me, or does it seem like I'm CONSTANTLY learning yet another valuable lesson about something or other?? I'm frankly not really sure what it was that my parents actually taught me when I was a child -- although to be fair, most of time, I wasn't really listening. Perhaps I should have paid more attention. Like when they went over the whole metric system thing when I was in the 6th grade... Do you remember that?? We had some big scare about how the USA was going to have to switch to the metric system because all the cool kids in Europe were doing it, so we tried for about a week or so until everyone realized it was just too hard and involved a lotta math, so we went back to our own shit and called it a day. ALTHOUGH, it would be nice if I could figure out how fast I'm going when I'm driving around town here or what the temperature is outside...I just always assume it's 152 degrees. Seems about right.
ANYWAY, my point was...I was chatting with my Internet Pharmacist -- who has a great blog, even though she no longer does Pharmacy Friday because apparently, she was worried someone was going to sue her (although it might be because I told her I was going to sue her unless she sends me a box of unmarked adderall), and she pointed out that perhaps I should not create my list of Rx drugs I want based upon how happy the people look in the commercials. (Which I frankly thought was a great plan. I want THAT kinda happy!) Then she proceeded to EXPLAIN to me that Levitra is similar to Viagra and maybe I didn't want to be announcing to the world that I wanted some Adderall, a smigeon of Ambien, and a side of Levitra (you know, just to take the edge off). SO NOW APPARENTLY, I am supposed to LOOK UP what these drugs DO before I demand someone give me some.
Like I have that kinda time to be looking up what drugs do before I take them.
Frankly, I should be suing those damn pharmaceutical companies who make those commercials! Now, not only am I humiliated because now the rest of the Embassy likely assumes I have some kind of erectile dysfunction, but I'm also emotionally traumatized because I thought those old people were just happy because that old guy didn't DIE from something....So of course, I wanted something that would make me not DIE! (I mean, who wouldn't?!?!?) But now, I'm forced to think about OLD PEOPLE doing the dirty dirty when they can barely walk anymore, and that guy might actually die of something, but we'll never know because he's all happy and I'm too embarrassed to even look at him anymore, let alone try to diagnose his symptoms with my primary care physician, WebMD.....
Now, thanks to that stupid commercial, I can't even look the old people here in Khartoum in the eye anymore, on the off chance that they might be smiling because they have some Levitra in their mandress pocket! I get all flustered, so I end up throwing a handful of business cards at them, then I yell, "LIAR!" and I run away.
Dear Internet Pharmacist,
I need some Vallium.
I am almost 32% positive that is what I need. But math is hard, so I defer to you to set my appropriate percentage.
Desperately Seeking to Avoid Old People
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
3 hours ago