Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Why It's Important toTalk to your Internet Pharmacist!

Okay, so it has come to my attention that perhaps it is not the best idea to base your demands for prescription drugs from commercials.  Although I fully realize that this totally sounds like crazy talk,I am here to (once again) perform my public service by educating you guys on shit I do wrong so that you don't have to face the same humiliation that I do on a daily basis.  

Is it just me, or does it seem like I'm CONSTANTLY learning yet another valuable lesson about something or other?? I'm frankly not really sure what it was that my parents actually taught me when I was a child  -- although to be fair, most of time, I wasn't really listening.  Perhaps I should have paid more attention.  Like when they went over the whole metric system thing when I was in the 6th grade... Do you remember that?? We had some big scare about how the USA was going to have to switch to the metric system because all the cool kids in Europe were doing it, so we tried for about a week or so until everyone realized it was just too hard and involved a lotta math, so we went back to our own shit and called it a day.  ALTHOUGH, it would be nice if I could figure out how fast I'm going when I'm driving around town here or what the temperature is outside...I just always assume it's 152 degrees.  Seems about right.

ANYWAY, my point was...I was chatting with my Internet Pharmacist  -- who has a great blog, even though she no longer does Pharmacy Friday because apparently, she was worried someone was going to sue her (although it might be because I told her I was going to sue her unless she sends me a box of unmarked adderall), and she pointed out that perhaps I should not create my list of Rx drugs I want based upon how happy the people look in the commercials.  (Which I frankly thought was a great plan.  I want THAT kinda happy!)   Then she proceeded to EXPLAIN to me that Levitra is similar to Viagra and maybe I didn't want to be announcing to the world that I wanted some Adderall, a smigeon of Ambien, and a side of Levitra (you know, just to take the edge off).  SO NOW APPARENTLY, I am supposed to LOOK UP what these drugs DO before I demand someone give me some. 

Like I have that kinda time to be looking up what drugs do before I take them

Frankly, I should be suing those damn pharmaceutical companies who make those commercials!  Now, not only am I humiliated because now the rest of the Embassy likely assumes I have some kind of erectile dysfunction, but I'm also emotionally traumatized  because I thought those old people were just happy because that old guy didn't DIE from something....So of course, I wanted something that would make me not DIE! (I mean, who wouldn't?!?!?)    But now, I'm forced to think about OLD PEOPLE doing the dirty dirty when they can barely walk anymore, and that guy might actually die of something, but we'll never know because he's all happy and I'm too embarrassed to even look at him anymore, let alone try to diagnose his symptoms with my primary care physician, WebMD.....

Now,  thanks to that stupid commercial, I can't even look the old people here in Khartoum in the eye anymore, on the off chance that they might be smiling because they have some Levitra in their mandress pocket!   I get all flustered, so I end up throwing a handful of business cards at them, then I yell, "LIAR!" and I run away.

Dear Internet Pharmacist,

I need some Vallium.

I am almost 32% positive that is what I need.  But math is hard, so I defer to you to set my appropriate percentage.

Signed,
Desperately Seeking to Avoid Old People

17 comments:

Oh My Goddess said...

Did the makers of Levitra even consider the fact that the old ladies married (or not) to those old men, are probably not even remotely in favor of the idea of having sex with the old guy anyway?

Most of the old people I know are basically feuding with each other all the time. No way anyone of them is going to do the "dirty dirty".

But yeah, Valium will take the edge off for you.
Make mine a double.

tattytiara said...

It's probably not just you, but it's definitely not at all me. I can't remember the last time I learned a valuable lesson. I can, however, remember every caption from the last three weeks of icanhascheezburger.

Close enough.

otin said...

That is why we never switched over to the metric system! It was all about erections and measuring things in inches!!!ED medicine would not be as popular if it increased things by centimeters! LMAO!!!

Middle Aged Woman said...

I don't know about Levitra, but Cialis makes you want to take outdoors baths in side-by-side tubs. And all this time I thought it had something to do with sex.

blognut said...

I'm with you on this one. All of those disturbing images of old people getting it on will keep you awake at night. I do not want to know this shit!

And so there exists this thing called the Sisterhood of the Traveling Xanax, and I happen to have a little black market xanax in my purse as we speak, to take the edge off when I can't banish those images from my mind.

staceyjwarner said...

You might not die but your intestines might hang out your butt...LOL...all those drug commercials freak me out.

They create "diseases" just to make money. I've heard it from the horses mouth!

much love

CarrieAnn said...

I actually remember that metric lesson! And why!

Beth said...

Old people do the dirty dirty? That can't be true! I'll have to ask my parents. Since I have two siblings, they probably only had sex three times. Right?

Reddirt Woman said...

Since you're desperately trying to avoid 'old people' I guess I better stop dropping in... I don't want to add to your stressful attempts to avoid the aged.

Helen (not on adderall, Levitra, or viagra although I do take ambien}

Gaston Studio said...

As you well know Michel, I'm almost 68 and even I don't want to think about old people doing the dirty... that's why I like toy boys.

CK Lunchbox said...

As a general rule to keep in mind (readers included): Do NOT use Mexican Viagra. I know what I'm talking about and that's all I'm going to say.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I think we could all use an internet pharmacist in our lives!! lol

rxBambi said...

LMFAO AT GASTON! SERIOUSLY JUST BURST OUT LAUGHING AND SCARED THE DAMN DOGS!

rxBambi said...

Ok, now that I am under some semblance of control.Although I have to tell you I pretty much started losing it when you said the Embassy thinks you now have erectile dysfunction. Ha!
Just don't go around asking for Vermox. Or Aldara. Wait, on second thought you might need it. You should ask for some. Really.
I love being your internet pharmacist and please don't ever leave me.
(will be sure not to tell you any more scary stories about old people doing the dirty dirty)

Optimistic Pessimist said...

I was told we were going to the metric system too. What the hell happened? Why would they cause unnecessary panic? Was it some sort of cruel April Fool's joke?

Woman with kids said...

Ug. Old people having sex. Thanks for the image...

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