So I received this at work today from someone who sent it to me and asked if I had written them....WTF!? Where on earth do people come up with their theories? This is sooo, not anything I would say! However, kudos goes to whomever came up with it!
-- I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story, all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story, that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-- I don't understand the purpose of the phrase, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter??
-- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the vicinity thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-- There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic bags full of groceries in each hand, than take 2 trips to bring them in from the car.
-- I think part of my BFF's job should be to immediately clear your computer history, and erase your iPod and Kindle if you die.
-- Was learning cursive really necessary??
-- I have a hard time deciphering that fine line between boredom and hunger.
-- Answering the same letter more than three times in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely terrifying.
-- Whenever someone says, "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is, "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."
-- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod your head and smile because you STILL didn't hear what they said??
-- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jackass from cutting in at the front! Stay strong, brothers!!
-- Mapquest really needs to start their directions at #5. I am pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
-- Bad decisions make good stories.
-- Why is it during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get all nervous and freaked out? Like, I know my name, I know where I am from....this shouldn't be a problem!
-- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
-- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart another collection.
-- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good, and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-- Sometimes I will look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and STILL not know what time it is.
-- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet that on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Light than Kay.
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
3 hours ago