So I'm not sure if I've already told you my theory on how to determine whether something is good for you and you could eat as much of it that you want - or, alternatively, if it is bad for you and will make you fatter if you sit in the same room with the stuff. My theory is foolproof and this weekend I proved it yet again...and also another little known fact about healthy shit.
Soft food = tastes yummy, wish you had it right now, fat ass (see donuts, cake, ice cream)
Scratchy food = healthy food, makes you gag, don't actually want to eat it (see, celery, brussel sprouts)
So anyway, this weekend I decided that I would make some bread. I know! RIGHT!? How totally wifey is that? It's very Betty Draper - although, I didn't have any cigarettes, but I did have a glass of wine (to make the kneading less annoying). However, you may recall that Josh is here. So I had to totally pretend like I cared about being healthy and nutrition and all that other BS...so I decided to make whole wheat bread, instead of fluffy white bread (that I make REALLY WELL, FYI).
Now here is where the valuable lesson comes in - not only is whole wheat bread scratchy to eat, it is scratchy to knead. So you totally know right there that it is going to be a nightmare...(spoiler alert) So i knead, look for some bandaids to cut down on the chafing - and then i set it aside to rise.
It doesn't rise. It just kinda gave a half-assed effort to puff up a bit, then it just kinda sat there.
So I still persevere. I bake that shit.
I made a loaf that weighed about as much as a big ole rock. It wasn't hard, but it was totally scratchy.
THEREFORE, my point is (and I do have one) once again scratchy shit ruined my weekend.
So there you have it: conclusive proof that scratchy, healthy food sucks. Every time. I rest my case.
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
3 hours ago