So apparently, we have an ENTIRE STAFF devoted to this damn gift issue. And also apparently, that entire staff has devoted their entire lives to making my life a living hell. Mark my words Protocol...I'll find you....I'll figure out who you are and I will sneak in and giftwrap your damn cubicles with Care Bear wrapping paper -- OH YES! I swear I still have a roll of that crap from when my (now married and fully grown) niece was young....(She liked rainbow bear.)
Do you guys remember that crap?? How the bear would stick out his tummy and a rainbow would fly out of his belly button and fight evil?? Seriously...if you were evil, you'd never see that coming. It's BRILLIANT!! Although, now that I think about it - what the hell does a rainbow do and how could it really fight crime? Unless of course, the rainbow flew out at the guy, but left a pot of gold behind - then there would be no need for him to turn to a life of crime...he'd have a pot of gold. SHIT! I wish Rainbow Bright Bear would show up at my house...I'm not adverse to turning to a life of crime!!!
ANYWAY, what was I talking about?? Oh yes! PROTOCOL. So it seems that the Judgey McJudy's in Protocol are "concerned" that because the gift option that we selected seemed a "bit cheap" and they wanted to ensure that the individual who would be presenting this "gift" (they totally effin used QUOTES around the word "gift" in their email to me..) would not be embarrassed when it was opened.... WTF PROTOCOL!!!
You'd think I sent up a picture of a kleenex box cover I crocheted in the shape of a doll's skirt and then plopped a creepy doll head on top -- Although, now that I think of it, I might actually do that next week because that shit would be FUNNY! I'd write a long paragraph on how the King learned to crochet as a child when he worked in a doll factory back in the days of yore, when an evil dictator was in power. One day, while he burned random kleenex boxes for heat, one of the dolls came to life and told him that a Chubby Bear wearing the mark of the clover would arrive with his band of baby-talking belly busters and they would help him liberate his Kingdom. She then told him she really loved the skirt he made and disappeared. After he assumed the throne (with the assistance of the Care Bear Bunch), he vowed to always keep the kleenex Kozy near and dear to his heart.
You know they'd sit there and go, "Is she shitting us?? Is that true?" Then they'd send down a request for the King's bio....
That's just more work for me. Nevermind.
But my issue is this: now, I'm torn! Do I hate these people?? Or, do I actually respect that they are bitchy enough to send me a note and call me out on my laziness!? (Seriously, the subtext of the email was...we know you told the intern to google some random gift idea five minutes before the submission was due and then fwd'd that up like you'd actually thought about it....) WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS CRAZY TALK?
No. You're right. I hate them. I've always hated them....long before they ever hated me!!!
This isn't over Protocol!
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
3 hours ago