Friday, July 9, 2010

The Saga of the Gift Continues....

So apparently, we have an ENTIRE STAFF devoted to this damn gift issue.   And also apparently, that entire staff has devoted their entire lives to making my life a living hell.   Mark my words Protocol...I'll find you....I'll figure out who you are and I will sneak in and giftwrap your damn cubicles with Care Bear wrapping paper -- OH YES! I swear I still have a roll of that crap from when my (now married and fully grown) niece was young....(She liked rainbow bear.) 

Do you guys remember that crap?? How the bear would stick out his tummy and a rainbow would fly out of his belly button and fight evil?? Seriously...if you were evil, you'd never see that coming.  It's BRILLIANT!! Although, now that I think about it - what the hell does a rainbow do and how could it really fight crime?  Unless of course, the rainbow flew out at the guy, but left a pot of gold behind - then there would be no need for him to turn to a life of crime...he'd have a pot of gold.  SHIT!  I wish Rainbow Bright Bear would show up at my house...I'm not adverse to turning to a life of crime!!!

ANYWAY, what was I talking about?? Oh yes! PROTOCOL.  So it seems that the Judgey McJudy's in Protocol are "concerned" that because the gift option that we selected seemed a "bit cheap" and they wanted to ensure that the individual who would be presenting this "gift" (they totally effin used QUOTES around the word "gift" in their email to me..) would not be embarrassed when it was opened....  WTF PROTOCOL!!!

You'd think I sent up a picture of a kleenex box cover I crocheted in the shape of a doll's skirt and then plopped a creepy doll head on top -- Although, now that I think of it, I might actually do that next week because that shit would be FUNNY!   I'd write a long paragraph on how the King learned to crochet as a child when he worked in a doll factory back in the days of yore, when an evil dictator was in power.  One day, while he burned random kleenex boxes for heat, one of the dolls came to life and told him that a Chubby Bear wearing the mark of the clover would arrive with his band of baby-talking belly busters and they would help him liberate his Kingdom.  She then told him she really loved the skirt he made and disappeared.  After he assumed the throne (with the assistance of the Care Bear Bunch), he vowed to always keep the kleenex Kozy near and dear to his heart.

You know they'd sit there and go, "Is she shitting us?? Is that true?"  Then they'd send down a request for the King's bio....

That's just more work for me.  Nevermind.

But my issue is this:  now, I'm torn!   Do I hate these people?? Or, do I actually respect that they are bitchy enough to send me a note and call me out on my laziness!?  (Seriously, the subtext of the email was...we know you told the intern to google some random gift idea five minutes before the submission was due and then fwd'd that up like you'd actually thought about it....)  WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS CRAZY TALK?

No.  You're right.  I hate them. I've always hated them....long before they ever hated me!!! 

This isn't over Protocol!

10 comments:

McGillicutty said...

how come you can write all this (and it's good this) and you don't get a slapped wrist...
I wrote on teeny post about one teeny email and I got fired for it.
Just don't get it man, maybe I need to be working for the Man.

love your blog!!!!

Charlene said...

I think if they don't have the guts to tell you in clear words without "quotes", then you ignore them. I do not care for the culture of work where every little word or comma can be interpreted a hundred ways to make me crazy. I am aware that paranoia is logical if they are out out get you, but maybe they aren't.

I quit a job and started a business [31 years ago] because of just this kind of thing.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well okay then, now i hate them too.

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Lola said...

I don't work now, but when I did, I absolutely hated this gift thing. The last place I worked at they started out doing the "contribute whatever you like", then in the card to the individual (whether it be birthday, death in the family, or leaving for another job or whatever) they put the amounts each person contributed. That's just so wrong! People have different financial issues. After awhile, they did the "everyone is contributing $10". I made it a practice not to contribute any cash to any of these solicitations. If someone had a birthday and I liked them, I took them out to lunch. For the most part though, I didn't care for 99% of these people and when I had issues that would normally warrant a collection, no one ever collected for me. Call me bitter, or whatever, it was the culture of the place I didn't like. It was very cliquey and I just thought it better not to participate. Yes, some people made catty comments, but it didn't bother me because those people were not important to me.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I can hate them too if you would like me too...

tera said...

WTF? What happened to the days when, if someone gave you a gift, you politely said "thank you", even if it was a Kleenex cozy with a creepy doll head attached, and then you took it back to Walmart later for the cash?
Sheesh, talk about ungrateful!

tera said...

Totally.

tera said...

Oh, yah...and dude, you should totally write children's books that get turned into Japanese animated movies 'cause that story about the King and the clover-toting Chubby Bear totally rocks!

Megan said...

go with the hate. it's always the best option.

ForeignObsession said...

You should have given them the Care Bear stare!!!

Care Bear...STAAAAAAAARE!!!

Okay a bit late...but I just came across your blog...