Okay, so the mail fairy came yesterday, right?? So I'm like..WHAT UP YO!? That ho came again....and only one week later!?!? How cool is that!?
Oh, she's not cool. In fact, she might have been the role model for Smelly Pirate Ho Mommy Dog. Why am I so upset? Mail fairy came to my house and she brought me the following:
Bills (WTF!? Where have I been? How could I have acquired a damn BILL!? And WHY does Loudoun County think I'm going to pay said bill?? Fools!)
Paper Towels (Note to self: when using amazon.com to purchase grocery items, it is important to check the AMOUNT of grocery items when ordering. However, now the $40 price tag for a "few" paper towels makes much more sense. Turns out - I ordered 60 ROLLS of paper towels. It was actually a good deal and not the highway robbery I had previously reported.)
(Second Note to Self: Send correction to Better Business Bureau. Turns out Amazon.com is NOT run by a Nigerian crime ring as previously believed. Seems they're a legitimate business. -- will have to actually re-google Better Business Bureau. Probably not gonna happen...send apology to amazon.com...I'm sure the BBB won't have opened the investigation or watchlisted the amazon.com employees for the no-fly selectee as I recommended. It'll be fine. Send them card. Good 'Nuff...)
Coffee Grinder - I got all excited because as you may recall my "husband" (and I use the term loosely after this happened) broke our coffee maker - which had a coffee grinder IN it...As such, I'm currently coffee-less...the embassy has issued a warden notice to let everyone know they are not to try to interact with me prior to 10 am...for safety reasons. The Warden notice specifies the Embassy is not responsible for any subsequent injuries for individuals who disregard the notice.
Milk Frothing Pot - What? You don't have one? CHAA! Loser. Get with it. NOBODY pours milk directly INTO their coffee. Milk should be served in scalding bubbles format. Dooy.
So why on EARTH am I claiming that the mail fairy is a bitch, you ask??
BECAUSE THE BITCH DIDN'T BRING THE COFFEE MAKER!!! She tortured us with promises of coffee, and then left us hanging....not even a note to let us know that she INTENDS to bring the pot next week/next month/next May, NOTHING.
Someone please tell me why God isn't actively smoting the damn mail fairy! That bitch has it coming!
Sometimes? I'm Judgmental. Also, Seattle!
3 hours ago