Sunday, January 3, 2010

Welcome, Mail Fairy!!!

So, the mail fairy came today!  Graciously, the US Department of State (DoS) decided to forward our mail to us just in time for us all to miss Christmas.  Today, we received approximately 15 boxes and 32 Christmas cards - naturally, I don't want that shit now! I already took down the tree and put away all the crap (and when I say, "I" did, I mean I asked Josh to do it - and he's only too happy to put my Christmas hell away every year.  Why DO I bitch about my husband again?? He's obviously a saint.  because although I totally adore all things Christmas, I also equally HATE all things Christmas post 26 December and I hate putting away all things Christmas even worse than I hate all things Christmas post December 26th!)  

Merry Eff You Christmas DoS!

So now, I've opened all the boxes the mail fairy brought (Yaay) - until I opened them and saw they were full of stupid paper towels (but cost less than they would if I bought them here at circa $8 a roll)  and Josh's stupid granola bars (again, $10 a box here)...I DON'T WANT THAT!!  Eff that!  Why the hell can't Ann Taylor spontaneously send me shit!? 

Seriously, how cool would that be!?!  You go out to your car (or your mailbox if you don't live in Khartoum) and you find out that the mail fairy came!! SO NATURALLY (if you live in Khartoum and the mail comes on random days maybe once a week) you're all excited because, WTF !?  It's the MAIL FAIRY YO!!?  What is WRONG with you!?!?   So you're going through the boxes, throwing out the stupid ones from GNC or REI, and then spot it...the gleaming lettering "ANN TAYLOR.COM"  and then the angels begin to sing and maybe some kinda band from your vacation in St. Maarten's.....So you rip into it...and it's a top you didn't even know they had!?!?  AND, it's guilt free! I mean, I didn't order it...I had nothing to do with it...


OMG how cool would that be!?! 

I would probably even PAY Ann Taylor to send me random shit.  That's how cool I think that would be....

If you don't understand this, you obviously do not live in Sudan where in their "malls" they sell  what amounts to a duty free store full of old shit nobody wanted to buy at the real duty free store.  If you did, however, live in Sudan...you'd love this idea...

Trust me on this one....LOVE IT!

14 comments:

Beth said...

Now I feel guilty for not sending you a Christmas card. Though I don't send Christmas cards to anyone...

Mala said...

My mail fairy, though apparently more punctual, is illiterate and dyslexic, which also makes for interesting visits.
15 boxes and 32 cards! I'm impressed. Even if they contain paper towels.

Captain Dumbass said...

I wish the mail fairy would bring me high end electronics. Maybe a new iMac and an assortment of J. Crew garments.

That one girl said...

Oh man, I SOOO feel you on this! I used to live in Turks. IF we got our mail, it was a year late. A YEAR. I'm not joking. That's IF you get it. They open up random stuff and keep it if they want it and the stores there were crazy overpriced. $15 for a small thing of crappy shampoo. Ugh!

I wish you all the mail luck in the world!

rxBambi said...

Well it's a good thing I forgot to send you a sample box of drugs. I'll get on that. Sorry. I totally suck. But getting a gift in January will be cool too. Or maybe February. It's hard for me to concentrate right now.

Kelly's Ideas said...

Your blog always cracks me up.. I would love to have anything from the mail fairy that does not involve my husband's ebay addiction - how many golf shirts can one man have?
Happy New year
Kelly

Oh My Goddess said...

That would be a Christmas miracle!

Like little Natalie Wood said in the Miracle on 34th St.:

I believe
I believe
I believe

Get back to me after you've done that for awhile.

Fragrant Liar said...

Well, ahem, I don't want to make you jealous or anything, since you're all living it up in Sudan, but, well, Ann Taylor DID just spontaneously gift me something for Christmas. Woot-woot!

So-o-o-o-orry, it wasn't you she loves.

'course, I did get to pick out what I wanted at the Ann Taylor Outlet store right down the road, but it still counts!

darsden said...

haha Merry Christmas

injaynesworld said...

Could I borrow your husband to take down my tree? It would involve him coming to California, but I'd mail him right back to you.

blognut said...

Oooh. You know, I may have forgotten to mention that Ann Taylor did send you something spontaneous. She did. Unfortunately she gave it to Santa and he totally brought it to me.

Sorry.

But I did send you a Christmas card. Or at least I meant to. :)

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

CarrieAnn said...

WTF is up with the Anonymous comment above me?! I think you're fabulous!

mo.stoneskin said...

I can't imagine anything worse. I hate Christmas cards at the best of times (i.e. before Christmas) but after Christmas? Unbelievable.