Saturday, January 2, 2010

Mulligan

I've decided to declare today a "do-over."  I couldn't declare ALL of 2010 an utter failure based on the first day - and perhaps I was a bit hasty to judge a whole year simply because I spent the entire first day of the year in my pjs, curled up in a fetal position on the couch.

On the upside, however, my traditional New Year's Diet is off to a winning start - seeing as how I could not keep any foods of liquids down yesterday and am kinda scared to eat today, I'm thinking this is EXACTLY the way to lose weight.  No more of that "eat smaller portions, exercise and make healthy choices" crap that my husband spouts.  Obviously, that's ridiculous crazy talk.  My way is clearly better.  You'll see.

So my glamorous day started off with me getting into my workout clothes and sending a text to Christina (who was supposed to help me remember to go to the gym by guilting me into going with her) asking her what time we're going to the gym.  She didn't text me back.  Ergo, if my going to the gym to pretend to work out plan doesn't work, we all know whom to blame: Christina!

I then decided that I should make coffee.  However, my lovely hubby decided to plug our American coffee maker into the sudanese outlet.  Our coffeemaker is obviously racist, because it now refuses to turn on.  So I decided I'd make some coffee, old-school Laura Ingalls style.  So I got out the coffee beans....

How the hell do you grind coffee beans if you coffee maker has the built in grinder, but then it got all uppity and stormed off in a huff?  They didn't cover this section on Little House on the Prairie!  Obviously, I need an apron like Laura's mom....maybe then I'll know. 

So I made tea.

Then I decided that I needed to organize the cupboards that I have been planning to organize since early 2009 because we were just putting stuff where ever we could find a spot - the kitchen is the only place here that actually HAS cupboards....so I took everything out and placed it on the counter.  Then I noticed that the cupboards were all dirty under the stuff (although how the hell it got dirty in there, we'll never know....) so then I decided I needed to wash that out too....

So I'm walking to the sink and I notice the stove and those little cuppy things under the burners had some kinda something on them that can never be named, I'm guessing is some type of toxic waste that burned on there - so I decided I needed to clean those out and I ripped them all out of the stove. 

Then after I did that, I looked in the oven -- SELF CLEANING my ass!  So then I pulled out the racks so I could scrub in there.

And then I looked around. . . and I suddenly didn't want to clean the kitchen anymore. WTF!?  Why the hell do I start these things!?!?

So now I'm FINALLY sitting on the couch again, curled up in a fetal position, with dishpan hands, no coffee and I won't let Josh use the kitchen because he'll just make a mess and that shit is SPOTLESS right now.  I even got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the floor with bleach water.  I'm seriously contemplating sealing it off with plastic wrap because I never want to do that shit again.

I should have went to the damn gym!!!

10 comments:

Beth said...

Now I feel all guilty because I haven't cleaned out my cupboards. Or the stove. Or even the floor.

Lesson learned. I think I'll go to the gym.

Mala said...

I've been in PJs since 2009. You have inspired me to greater things today. Maybe getting dressed? I'm not going to push it so far to say I'll clean though. Or go to the gym.

Linda said...

Oh, wow. I was feeling a tad guilty because I basically did nothing yesterday while my husband went out twice to snowblow the driveway.

We're now in day 2 of a 3 day storm, and he's out clearing the driveway once more. I had been thinking of doing some cleaning type activity, but then I read this post.

Way to go, Michel! You not only tired me out just reading about what you did, no way can I beat your whole kitchen spa treatment!
I have completely lost all ambition, and I'll blame it on you.

But, I think it was a good idea for the do-over and I am sure God will take note.

itsmejane said...

ok you know the self cleaning thing you just turn it on for like 6 hours and let everything turn into a crisp and you then 'wipe off?' right?

ive been on an organizing kick. i need to lose weight (again)- i can be your text buddy. i downloaded ilose on my iphone...i hope they didn't mean i loser! :)

Seriously let's start a workout bandwagon! bUt not today.

Oh My Goddess said...

But you look thinner to me.

blognut said...

Damn, girl. What were you thinking?

I went to the gym; I much prefer it to all that scrubby shit you did!

Brian Miller said...

the good new is you have 364 more days to figure it out...lol.

tera said...

I don't know how you look, but you sound thinner!

Jaime said...

that was a very productive day... i haven't cleaned, cooked, made coffee... but i've been checking out a bunch of blogs and think i've earned a nap. oh. and i blew off the gym today too. you're in good company

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I say calling a mulligan is appropriate. Except most of that stuff - you don't wnat to do over...