Saturday, January 9, 2010

New Plan - Currently Accepting Sponsors

So I've been thinking - and doing internet reserach - on botox.  Why on earth would I be thinking about that, you ask??

HOW RUDE! Don't ask those questions!!!! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!  Hateful!

So back to my point - before you guys got all hurtful and nosy -- I've been thinking .... I need botox.  I need botox, but I'm too po.  I don't want to PAY for botox.  ERGO, I've come up with yet another BRILLIANT plan...

I'm going to leave mayo and yogurt out on the counter, in direct sunlight, and not turn on the AC.   Then, (by my math calculations) after 72 hours, I should have created a bolgovie-home-tox  and should be back to age 28 by Wednesday.  (those of you who don't get the home-perm reference should google it...it's funny...trust me on this one...)

My only other option is to turn to a life of crime so that I can afford the botox...I've already tried that...well, I thought about trying that, but was too lazy to actually do any crime, because that takes Planning and Implementation...it's not all its cracked up to be....

AND, since I went to the stupid pyramids again this weekend, but forgot sunscreen yet again, I'm going  to not only NEED my bolgovie-home-tox, I should probably figure out who to make a home acid peel...

What could possibly go wrong?? 

20 comments:

The MomMa said...

Silly woman! You need bad dirt (dirty, botulism laden dirt) for botox. I think there is some in Ireland--or possibly CANADA! One other option would be to check your roof. They may known you were coming and would need a stash. Don't forget the ventilator. Botulism paralyzes you, beginning at the top (eyelids) and moves down (breathing muscles) rather rapidly. Be prepared.

Fragrant Liar said...

Here's the answer I always expect and demand whenever I mention botox: "But you don't even NEED that stuff."

So, Michel, you don't even NEED that stuff.

Besides, your experimentation has proven dubious in the past, so I'd hold off till Josh gets there and he can conduct the moldy thing. You ALWAYS want to have someone else to blame shit on. Sabe?

blognut said...

Why don't you just get some bees. Can't you use some sort of bee-shit or something to make botox?

I thought I heard that somewhere, but I'm not going to google it and learn more about it because... you know... blognuts are lazy, too.

However, while I'm thinking about it, a couple of well-placed bee stings should swell you enough to fill out the wrinkles. Let me know how that goes for you...

otin said...

You are in Sudan. Why do you need to look good??? LOL!! So that you can go to pyramids? Stand in a sandstorm, the sand will fill in the wrinkles!

Poppy Buxom said...

Forget it! I actually got Botox once and I couldn't raise my eyebrows for three months. And it felt like an invisible giant palm was pressing into my forehead the whole time.

My solution is to stop updating my eyeglass prescription. What I can't see can't hurt me.

Frau said...

Good luck with that....maybe throw a botox party and you can get a discount!

Brian Miller said...

just make sure you post the pics after injecting...lol.

Mrs. K said...

i just got botox- why would it be expensive over where you are at? my friend started working at a plastic surgeon's office- my prayers have been answered 'cause i get them at cost

♥ Braja said...

I can send you some really good Indian bacteria for making the yoghurt. How do you think Indian women all look so young?? Even their rolly polly midriffs look hot....

♥ Braja said...

OH wait....maybe that's cos they're brown....

What?? We're not COLOR PREJUDICED ARE WE????

♥ Braja said...

OH wait....maybe that's cos they're brown....

What?? We're not COLOR PREJUDICED ARE WE????

♥ Braja said...

I can send you some really good Indian bacteria for making the yoghurt. How do you think Indian women all look so young?? Even their rolly polly midriffs look hot....

tera said...

Phew! I was worried you got lost at the gym or something since you didn't post for so-o-o long...I was beginning to get worried that a treadmill ATE you!

I don't know about homemade botox...but hey, if it works, sign me up!

Mala said...

I believe if you make a sandwich with the remainder, it has some weight-loss attributes.
"I'm just one stomach flu from my goal weight."

And I totally got the Ogilvie reference. Awesome! I use it every time I see a really bad 'do. Crickets. Glad to know at least one person on the planet uses it as a solid pop culture reference.

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Beth said...

I had something really witty to say but then I cracked up at Anonymous' comment above. Snoopy party supplies?! That sounds like more fun than botox. Then again, almost anything sounds better than botox.

Captain Dumbass said...

Can't you get any cheap Sudanese botox? And what's with Braja? I think she's been drinking.

injaynesworld said...

I have two words for you "Joan" and "Rivers." Personally, that's enough to scare me off and what interest I might still have left would be crushed by me complete terror of needles.

Lorna said...

Make like Cleopatra and take some honey-milk baths...though I guess you'd have to stay submerged for awhile for it to affect your face. Good luck with the home-brew!

mo.stoneskin said...

I've heard that if you inject mayo and yoghurt it has the same affect as botox. Give it a try.