Monday, January 4, 2010

Ummm...I'd Like a Refund Please!

Okay.  I'd like to lodge a complaint.  I've been going to the "gym" for literally 3s of days now and as far as I can tell..my gym is faulty.  I'm going to demand my money back.  I mean, sure they say  that if you exercise you will be skinny, but I'm not seeing it.  I mean how much time is this gonna take?? (I don't have that kinda time...)  I was thinking what? Three maybe Four days??

I'm back to demanding pharmaceutical intervention.  SCIENCE! GET ON IT!  (Lazy! you gotta stay on these people!)

Note: if one stupid commenter says that "it took you months to get that weight on, you will need months to get it off" (it would be REALLY helpful if they could invent a snotty-sarcastic text for me to use here, because I feel like that would be more useful)  I will literally hunt you down and have you publicly flogged (I may have officially spent too much time in Sudan) because for your information it did NOT take me months to get to this stage...it literally took me from 27 November until 31 December...that's like ONE MONTH. 

That is NOT RIGHT. 

Granted, I ate pretty much all sugar based products for about 2 straight weeks.  I think my body may have been trying to reject itself on or about 29 December...when candy didn't even taste good to me anymore because I had eaten soo much of it....I think I might have been going into kidney or maybe tummy failure because I had not ingested one ounce of protein or fiber in a two week period...BUT STILL...I'm sure that nothing to do with the no-clothes-fitting state I'm in right now.

I blame society -- and when I say, Society, I mean people who sent me Christmas Candy.  You Jackasses!!  You KNOW I can't handle it.  NOTHING in my life is done in moderation.  In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a drama queen...I do things on a large scale.

SOOO....I'll go back to the gym for the 4th day tomorrow (those of you who bet I'd drop out by day three -- Ha HA! SUCKAHS!!

You should have tried to figure out what day I was betting on...I'm guessing that day is gonna win.  Prepare to pay it forward...

16 comments:

blognut said...

You do know you have to actually get out of your car at the gym, right?

Mala said...

I send them (the gym) money every. single. month.
NOTHING!!!!!!!! Jerks!

Fiber? *smacks forehead* How could I forget?!

mo.stoneskin said...

You know you have to actually get in the car, drive to the gym and get out of the car and go into the gym for it to count, right?

Hey, if you did that at least your pedal foot is getting some exercise.

Medora said...

I have an old treadmill I walk on, it doesn't seem to do much good but at least I can say I exercise, and I don't have to feel bad for lying. I can read while I walk too, so it's not too bad. I wouldn't knock myself out, though - no running or tricky machine things for me.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

You did better then me. I went to the gym ONE TIME, broke a nail and said to hell with it and never returned!

Rita said...

I wouldn't dare suggest that it's because you took a month to put it on, maybe it's just because you're getting older. Does THAT help?

Brian Miller said...

i swear they said if i got a gym membership i would lose weight, they said absolutely nothing about actually going...lol.

Beth said...

Literally, I've been going to the gym since August (2 or 3 days a week) and still I have a badonkadonk booty. So disappointing.

Reddirt Woman said...

I'm sayin' your quit day will be on a Tuesday... when you decide to just say screw it and lay around with your stash of Little Debbie Snack Cakes...

Well, you asked...

tera said...

...I'm seriously considering Liposuction. However, I hate hospitals and I hate pain. However, I bet they would give me really good drugs. However, I would have to REALLY watch what I eat then. However, we're back to the really good drugs...

Hmmm. That may require more thought.

McGillicutty said...

I went to the freakin gym every freakin morning last year for about three months straight and didn't lose one SINGLE OUNCE!!! so fuck it... I'm fat and that's the way I'm gonna stay!!! Woo Hoo.

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.

injaynesworld said...

I highly recommend the poverty and stress diet. No exercise needed.

Optimistic Pessimist said...

the gym is a sham. i trained for and ran a marathon...a freakin' marathon and I'm still chubby.

Woman with kids said...

I have a treadmill right in my bedroom, and I haven't seen any difference yet. I don't think the stupid thing knows what it's doing...

Jenthewen said...

it took me 6 months to lose one stone by going to the gym. It takes time, you gotta combine it with healthy eating for it to work